Goreshitdeath

I support the Holocaust of Re-makes

2007-02-07T23:29:00.000-08:00

The only version of the movie that should exist

I avoid paying attention to re-makes. They're dispensible bullshit that nobody remembers a week after it comes out anyways, especially in this short attention span society where trends that were so huge are forgotten as if they never existed in the first place. Why bother bitching about them right? Us true fans will always have the timeless original film and nobody can ever fuck with it cause it's immortalized so just let the trendy mallgawth fags have their bottle that they'll get bored of after puberty (or whenever they stop being stupid). Like all other re-makes, that was my attitude about "Cannibal Holocaust" at first. Later I realized, it's pretty damn insulting that some fuckwad producers think us true horror fans would buy into this shit just cause they exploited the beloved "Cannibal Holocaust" name on it as if it were a brand name for mindless consumption (BLASPHEMY!). Another thing pissing me off is that the money going to this garbage could be invested into a new movie that's socially relevant to today's culture. "Cannibal Holocaust" was a very radical film that became synonymous with the ultra-violent 80's splatter era. It made an actual contribution to horror history, we don't need it to be recycled into something inferior. Sure, you can point out "The Fly", "Thing", "Nosferatu", and "Last House on the Left" were re-makes but those movies did something radical with the original tame movies, a re-make of Cannibal Holocaust would be pointless because the original already is radical to the max, there's nothing more to explore in the concept! So fuck the people saying "you haven't seen it yet, don't judge it". They obviously don't get it and probably only heard of the movie cause a re-make was announced (if you're not bright enough to discover the movie on your own, you're not bright enough to watch it). Also the original movie was very organic by utilizing genuine tribal people and having a micorscopic budget. Nobody can ever re-create the magic of "Cannibal Holocaust" so why not invent something new? There's probably a lot of good horror scripts out in the world that aren't given a chance just cause scumbag market researchers don't see investing in them as a lucrative move. So basically there are two reasons I support the Holocaust of "Cannibal Holocaust" the remake: 1) Out of spite of being insulted by fuckwad producers abusing one of the most notorious and sacred cult movies and 2) To encourage NEW movies that are relevant to today's world and deserve a chapter of its own in horror history. Are MTV-editing and dumb pale CGI ghost kids the best modern horror "filmmakers" can come up with? SIGN THE PETITION AND SPREAD IT EVERYWHERE YOU CAN. A "Black Sunday" re-make was never made because of a petition just like this one so sign it all of you, it really does make a difference!

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/cannibalholocaustremake

Through the Looking Glass (1976)

2007-02-06T01:35:00.000-08:00

A bizzare, surreal, sadistic, and creepy supernatural tale from the 70's that resembles more of a twisted Euro-horror/exploitation film than a porno. The movie is about a rich blonde woman (so fucking hot!) depressed with her bourgeoisie lifestyle and dead father. To escape such a lame sexless life (her husband sucksass), she indulges in perversions in front of a mirror. This mirror proves to be not just any other mirror (it's a gateway beyond your wildest dreams...and nightmares mwhahaha) and a lot of weird shit goes on as she continues her sexual activities. She even ends up talking like Linda Blair in the Exorcist, goes on psychotic rants, and has sex with a transexual, a ghost, and her dead father????! The explicit sex scenes are either extremely erotic or extremely disturbing, no in betweens...mostly disturbing though. In one scene there was a sick orgy with upper class Victorian snobs and in another scene there was a bathtub full of piss and shit with a bunch of naked nutcases around the place. I don't wanna mention more of the specific crazy happenings that the mirror leads to cause that spoils the cool mystery appeal the plot has. Lets just say the atmosphere and scenes remind me of a mix between "Salo" and "El Topo". Taboos like incest, child abuse, and rape (very violent rape scene here) are all present in this demented art/horror/drama/roughie too. I don't really like calling this a porno because the "porno" label really stigmatizes this with "mainstream/softcore" horror fans not open to explicit gritty sex in a film. Oh well, their loss if they don't want to see it just cause it has some porn elements. The hellish depiction of actual penetration and genitals really gives the movie a more creepy unsettling feel that other horror movies fail to achieve. If you like dark atmospheric horror that gets ridiculously sleazy and sadistic as if it were Alice in Wonderland written by Marquise De Sade himself, you need this movie now! Porn legends Jamie Gillis and Terri Hall (RIP) are here too.

You're not a GOREWHORE, just a WHORE

2007-02-03T11:28:00.000-08:00

I'm sick of this bullshit! There's all these cluless bitches calling themselves "Gorewhore", "Goregrrl", or some other cliche gore female amalgam. The only Gore they know is Al Gore. Go to myspace, search for display name "Gore Whore" and you'll find nothing but the biggest posers ever. Their favorites movies are the usual mainstream/Blockbuster hipster list:"Clerks, House of a 1000 Corpses, Hostel, SAW, Kill Bill, Nightmare Before Christmas, Land of the Dead, Fight Club, Donnie Darko, Requiem for a Dream, Pulp Fiction, Clockwork Orange, Devil's Rejects, gory s1ck sh1t!" They usually listen to metalcore, emo, nu-metal, or shitty goregrind and brutal death if they think they're "underground". It's funny how they can name a million worthless bands but can hardly think of a single good gore movie (yet they're called "GOREWHORE"?). Maybe it's cause it's easier and trendier to suck "Anal Putrid Suckment's" cock instead of a horror director's cock? The term "Scream Queen" means nothing now. All these hags try to hide how skanky they are by putting on fake blood and dying their hair black. Next thing you know they're at horror conventions calling themselves a "Scream Queen" and bragging about being whores for gore even if they never even did an actual movie...or know an actual movie. They'll make myspace profiles of themselves photoshopped with CGI fake blood and a MTV-style dark lighting too, UGH! It's bitches like these that make a mockery of horror. They use it as nothng but dumb fashion cause they probably want to impress their equally poser boyfriends. Thanks to them, Hot Topic saturates and monoplizes the entire market with their "dark goth gore horror". Whenever I say I'm a horror fan, your average idiot will think I'm into women that call themselves "Gore Whore". If you say you're into horror porn, your average idiot will think of those pieces of shit called Suicide Girls and movies like "Porn of the Dead" or "Re-Penetrator". I hate these fucking posers cause they think they're like me and will say the most cringe-inducing things ever (lol, we both l1ke horror, L0l, d1d U se3 SAW 3 yet? I <3 th3 g0R3) . How dare they, what an insult! It's so frustrating seeing 99% of horror webzines, magazines, and movies catering to fucks like those instead of real horror fans. Fuck you posers, get to the next trend already and leave my beloved horror alone.

Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957)

2007-02-02T21:35:00.000-08:00

If you don't like fancy high brow arthouse films just stop reading this review right now. Anyways, for you cinema geeks out there still reading, here's my fav Ingmar Bergman film. Bergman is like one of the most respected directors ever and for good reasons thanks to "Seventh Seal". It's a film shot with beautiful camerawork, top notch music, dialogue that has profound statements about the meaning of life, and a solid cast. The guy that plays Death here is pretty damn creepy even if he is just wearing a hooded cape with no special make-up or anything else. The movie is set during the black plauge and after the Crusades. A knight meets Death and challenges him to a game of chess. If he wins, he keeps his life, if not he's dead. A lot more goes on in the movie beyond this chess game and philosophical themes are cleverly explored. One of the finest films ever made on a legitimate technical level. Every good serious cinema appreciator I assume has seen this or is going to see it eventually.

Naked Lunch (1991)

2007-02-02T21:07:00.000-08:00

The movie started off good. Everything was simple, Peter Weller was some exteriminator and his wife was a junkie on bug powder. Gradually the movie snowballed into a shitload of details that got confusing and then eventually too boring to bother following. I sat through the whole thing and felt 2 hours was way too long for a movie based on not much. The story was a mess. I didn't know what the fuck was going on after 30 minutes of the non-stop talking about umm I dunno. There was something about being an agent and typing reports....also something about being homosexual. The movie does have some interesting surreal moments though with the creature typewriters (organisms fused with mechanisms is a signature of director Cronenburg's work). Pretty much, the only scenes I enjoyed were the ones with the Star Wars looking aliens and that one scene with the creature dry humping stuff. This movie was based on a book I never read before so there probably were some hidden meanings or metaphors that went over my head, although I did read somewhere before that this movie was based more on the author's real life and his drug usage that gave him hallucinations. Apparently the author writes in an unstructured way too so that explains the lack of anything to pay attention to in the movie. I'm a Cronenburg fan, not my favorite film of his even though his other fans love this the most. Hell, I even liked "History of Violence" more, a very unpopular thing to say around hardcore Cronenburg fans. "Videodrome" had a more interesting concept and "Brood" was a solid story, "Naked Lunch" just left me frustrated to try to get into. Good thing I only rented this from netflix, Criterion DVDs are too damn expensive.

The Farmer's Daughter (1973)

2007-01-29T21:37:00.000-08:00

Zebedy Colt's first film that has vicious rapes, sexual humiliation, violence and a pissed-off dork with a fro (his voice is funny too). The movie is kinda like grindhouse classics "Last House on the Left" and "Fight for your Life" when three sadistic convicts that escaped from prison stumble upon the farm where a farmer, his wife, his three daughters, and the farm hand dork with a fro live and will be abused. These three bad guys are really mean fuckers and get their perverted ways with the women cause they got a gun they're not afraid to flaunt. They managed to get sloppy blowjobs and brutally sodomize the farmer's daughters. The rough forced sex scenes are morally repugnant and add to the vile sleazy experience that is meant to shock the viewer I guess (cause I just can't picture anyone beating off to this nasty stuff, reminded me of Forced Entry). Things get over the top when one of the farmer's daughters is forced to give the farmer (keep in mind her father) a blowjob. Those escaped convicts aren't the only villains though. The farmer's daugthers are pretty damn perverted and evil too and drove the farm hand dork to insanity. Everyone gets their revenge on each other in the end somehow so this movie has some poetic justice. The dork with the fro had the harshest revenge of all that surprised everyone and really showed his true colors. "Farmer's Daughters" is a movie not afraid of showing a twisted side of humanity, definitley not for the politically correct!...or for people that want a clean arthouse film cause this movie has a filthy gritty look and some of the editing is a mess (although that adds to the filthy gritty charm) Cduniverse has it at the cheapest I've seen it, go get it from them. The DVD comes with 2 other Zebedy Colt films, look for the "Cult 70s Porno Director: Zebedy Colt XXX Triple Feature" DVD from Alpha Blue Archives.

The Impossible Kid (1982)

2007-01-29T20:31:00.000-08:00

What's not to love? It's Weng Weng and his crazy antics. We see him do some karate asskicking, hit people with a stick 5X taller than him, ride a mini motorcycle, kiss women that find him irresistable, and do jump flips in this one. This is just about as good as Weng Weng's other movie "For Yu'r Height Only". I forget what the story was here, his movies aren't really known for their profound coherent stories you know. There was something about a ransom and the bad guy wore a KKK mask. I think this one was called "Impossible Kid" cause they had those self destructing tapes. "Mission Impossible" (the TV show, not the gay movie) had those tapes that exploded after watching them right? Not much else to say about this movie, you won't be dissapointed if you were looking forward to Weng Weng doing goddamn amazing things and beating up bad guys. That's pretty much the entire movie. Anything that guy does is simply brilliance. He could be playing pogs or just be brushing his teeth and it would still look awesome. What a great guy Weng Weng was. As far as I know, the easiest and only non-bootleg way to get this movie is to buy this "50 Movie Pack Martial Arts" DVD Collection that costs about $15 usually. It's worth every penny. I love the way they dubbed Weng Weng's voice, it so doesn't match him!! After you watch this you'll want it ASAP.

The Taking of Christina (1976)

2007-01-29T19:04:00.000-08:00

One of my fav films. The cover looks like a whimpy chick flick, but this is a nasty rape/revenge hardcore sexploitation classic. Kinda like "I Spit on Your Grave" and "Axe" but a lot more mean-spirited than those two flicks. Everything starts off with some chick fantasizing about getting married with a guy she's been seeing for a long time. She was saving her virginity just for him cause she was the innocent type that still believes in sex after marriage. Later her whole life is ruined when she gets kidnapped by these two criminal buddies (one a sadistic mysoginist and the other a sensitive dork that doesn't approve of his buddy's antisocial ways, but still a criminal too). Earlier these guys were with hookers but one of them got pissed off and said he didn't like filthy whores you have to pay for, that's why he went out and abducted some more wholesome pussy right after he beat up one of the hookers. After tying the chick to a bed and violently raping her, his buddy gets to talk to the battered woman, sympathizing with her...and then also fucking her (they don't call this "Taking of Christina" for nothing). Suddenly the chick is cool with these guys and wants to live with them, even gets in a hot threesome with them (huh?!) but something drastic happens in the suprisingly violent end. There's also some other fucked up scenarios that are funny in an ironic way, you really need this! It's a very solid film that has actual character development and pretty deep story too, top notch work for an ultra-sleazy porno. Tom Savini I read in Cinema Sewer made an appearance here also, that makes it even more interesting. Cduniverse has it at the cheapest I've ever seen it, go get it from them.

The Devil Inside Her (1977)

2007-01-16T23:01:00.000-08:00

I knew this movie would rule as soon as I saw the poster. Weird sleazy satanic porn written, directed, and starring Zebedy Colt (the psycho in Sex Wish), that guy is awesome, I consider him a porn legend. He plays an abusive bible-thumping asshole that forbids his daughters from anything sexual. Somehow one of his daughers awakens the Devil out of jealousy of her sister's lover and evil shit ensues. The devil is such a sick bastard that he'll transform into a family member before raping someone, I guess that counts as incest, eww. The sex scenes have an unholy soundtrack giving the film even more of a sinister feel. Things get over-the-top in the orgy scene that involved rough gangbangs, a golden shower, and everything having a red tint. I should mention that the devil looks like a KISS reject wtih balls made of rubber. For some reason, the devil has a stretchy scrotum. It made me cringe when he kept pulling on his balls as he was jerking off. I thought the guy's skin was going to rip.

Anyways, there's a lot more weridness and sleaze in this movie, plus the story and characters are pretty solid, see it for yourself and go get a copy from cduniverse since buying straight from Alpha Blue Archives is ridiculous.

Hardgore (1974)

2007-01-16T22:31:00.000-08:00

A movie about a nympho going in a hospital where strange sadistic stuff happens, which leads to some nonsensical killing and non-stop sex. Not as gory as the name would lead you to believe. Essentially it's just a porno, a really sloppy depraved porno with necrophilia and rape (although the ideas are more depraved than the actual execution). One guy bangs a chick while she's in a guillotine and blows his load for an ultimate orgasm as soon as she gets decapitated. Another scene involved a guy's dick getting ripped off. Like I said though, what you see is depraved only when you think about how fucked-up an idea it was, but when you actually see these scenes, it's pretty damn tame. It looks like HG Lewis gore but the camera is too shy to show it. The porno aspect ends up being like 98% of the movie. It's really weird and surreal porno though (surreal in a trashy cheeze way, not in a avant-garde art cinema way). There's an orgy with some guy in a devil mask going bonkers, I think he's like a leader of the secret satanic cult going on in the hospital or something. There was also a revolving sex scene where a guy and chick were in a room that kept spinning as they screwed each other. Just thinking about it makes me dizzy. All the sex scenes feel like they take forever (because they actually do take forever), they're not that hot, and they're actually boring as hell. I forgive the shortcummings of this film just because of a talking dildo and the guillotine fuck scene. Man, that scene is funny. Sure the decapitation didn't involve gushing gore, but the idea is just so over-the-top and twisted that it's comedy gold. I appreciate this movie for the weirdness and nasty ideas than the actual gore or porn. Alpha Blue Archives released this on DVD but I wouldn't spend $25 plus $7 shipping on it.

Women on the Run (1993)

2007-01-11T08:23:00.000-08:00

This has the best kung-fu and action sequences you'll ever see in a CAT III. Very impressive swift movements and fancy strikes, especially when the one chick starts swinging a pole and kicks some ass with it. It's actually more of a buddy/road/thriller than an over-the-top sleazefest, which CAT III's usually are. The sleaze is still here though when you have a story about a kung-fu champion woman's life turned to shit when her boyfriend pimps her out and turns her into a junkie hooker. One day she got pissed off when a "customer" took a piss in her kung-fu trophy so she beats the hell out of the guy (she was naked as she did these awesome kicks). Later she ends up killing her pimp boyfriend and from then on she's been on the run as a hooker always trying to avoid the cops so she could get more drug money. Eventually she gets caught by a female cop (who too knows kung-fu) and then later they manage to become buddies on the run together out for revenge at a guy that fucked them both over real bad. There are 2 scenes that I remember being sadistic. This one scene had a dog (obviously fake) kicked like a football. And then there's a brutal and depressing rape scene when the two women are left naked in the rain as a shitload of horny drunk sailors try to have their way with them. Some naked kung-fu ensued there but it wasn't campy like the first naked kung-fu scene. This movie had a feminist tone by the way so I wouldn't say the movie went out to degrade women for pure exploitation. Overall, I thought this movie was cool, not as dark and mean-spirited as most CAT III's but not as light and easy as a buddy or action movie.

Café Flesh (1982)

2007-01-09T02:17:00.000-08:00

"Cafe Flesh" is a very unique film and an even stranger experience. It's a porno that's shot like a fancy arthouse film but starts off with a post-apocalyptic premise that sounds like something from a cheezy sci-fi flick. The movie takes place after WWIII. After a "Nuclear Kiss", majority of the world was left "Sex Negative", meaning they'd get sick if they ever tried to touch anyone sexually. A small minority of the world was left "Sex Positive" though, meaning they could fuck with no problem. The government enforces this microscopic minority into a life of performing sex on a stage so that the "Sex Negatives" can live vicariously through them basically. It looks like a silly mindless b-movie story but it does pave the way for deep concepts to be explored such as love, governing systems, jealousy, and identity. Of course the story also makes it convenient for hardcore sex scenes to arise and that they do. They're so weird with the 80's space rock soundtrack and imaginative costmes and sets, you'll find yourself hypnotized by the bizzare visuals and sounds. There was a sex scene with a guy in a rat costume and some dudes dressed up as babies in the background. And then there was one sex scene where a guy had a huge pencil for a head. It's like someone's crazy dream come to life. The cinemtography was gorgeous, every frame of the film looked like a top-notch surreal painting that should be in a prestigious gallery. Real "high art" type atmosphere. It's an awesome film for the weirdness mostly but still my favorite thing about the entire movie was Pia Snow aka Michelle Bauer who would later become a "scream queen" thanks to movies likes "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers". She goes 69 with a chick right before getting banged by some dork with sunglasses. Damn, she was seriously the hottest woman that ever graced this earth. If my penis had a time machine, it would want to be transported anywhere into a young Michelle Bauer.

If you're interested in a DVD of this, the Adult section of cduniverse should have it for $16. Interesting trivia: The guy that wrote this movie has also written for ALF, CSI, Bad Boys II, and his autobiography became a Ben Stiller movie. Strange knowing a guy that wrote episodes of Alf and CSI started out writing a sci-fi porn/art b-movie....although this movie can easily pass as just a sci-fi art b-movie if you cut out the penetration scenes. I believe this movie did get trimmed into a softcore flick and was played at mainstream theaters before. Don't bother with a softcore version, seeing sex actually happen gives the movie a better feel, after all, it's what the movie centers around in the first place, why not see sex in its truest uncensored form?

Robotrix (1991)

2007-01-07T23:31:00.000-08:00

Here's a cool action sci-fi CAT III slapstick/comedy that shows a lot of T & A and has some darker sleaze moments but is still more on the humor side. The 3 main chick characters in the movie were hot but my crotch was mostly obsessed with the Asian Goddess Amy Yip. Amy Yip is the greatest thing about this movie (or Asia for that matter), nothing like seeing a tight little asian lady with mouth-watering heavy hooters! We don't get to see her nipples in this flick but damn, those boobs look delicious no matter what. The story begins with some Middle Eastern leader's son getting kidnapped for ransom by an evil scientist that transported his mind into an unstoppable robot body (he wore leather and acted like Arnold in Terminator). A chick cop is resurrected from the dead as a robot (just like Robocop) to help the police get this guy. Amy Yip (who's a robot too) also helps in the hunt for this guy. Not really an interesting plot but it allows the action (fights and explosions) and silly antics of the police to ensue, that's all that matters really. The sleaze in this movie is due to some violent rape scenes. Apparently the Terminator-like villain is a horn dog that kills hookers. He bangs one hooker to death (he NEVER goes limp cause he's a robot) and there was another rape scene in a science lab or whatever that was pretty rough. At one point of the movie the cops try to lure the bad guy by setting up Amy Yip as a hooker. Things backfire when the cops never did catch the bad guy but end up watching Amy Yip have sex with guys she kept attracting in her hooker set-up. This scene was pretty much a comical excuse to show Amy Yip undress and make everyone drool over her goods.

Sex Wish (1976)

2007-01-06T23:52:00.000-08:00

My fav Hardcore Roughie because Zebedy Colt is the greatest psycho I have ever seen in any movie! In fact, he's more insane than Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs (personally I thought everything about Silence of the Lambs was overrated). Zebedy plays a serial killer/rapist that talks like a retarded kid one minute and then suddenly unleashes a powerful rage as he yells "It's all your fault!" for some unexplained crazy reason. Anyways the movie is about Harry Reems from "Deep Throat" and "Forced Entry" (VERY different character here), a mild-mannered guy who's life seems perfect until one day his lover gets raped and killed by Zebedy. She was raped with a vibrator while he jerked off on her....he also whipped her.....and then slit her thoat...rough shit eh? Harry was so depressed that later he's found in a bar drowning his sorrows. Two whores give him a free fuck to cheer him up and then later advise him to find and kill the bastard that killed his lover. I like how the whore dramatically tells Harry to do this right after giving him a blow job, what a weird pacing of mood. One minute a care-free threesome then suddenly a super serious moment as if the whore became a counselor instantly. Only in Porno does this kinda mood-shift exist! After the threesome Harry decides to buy a gun, searches for Zebedy, finally finds him after some leads...you know where this is going, the usual revenge formula, although the ending is kind of a nice sick twist! The most intense scene of the film was when Zebedy breaks into a black couples home and forces them to have sex with each other as he watches and points a gun at them. The dialogue is sleaze and insanity to the MAXXX here with Zebedy giving the performance of his life. He even manages to cry tears of joy, giving him an ultra deranged look. It's a very memorable scene that ends nasty. If you've seen it before, you know what I'm talking about, if not, you're in for a real shock. This movie gets hated on by politically correct people because of the brutal displays of rape. Lets get one thing clear here, just about all the sex are Harry's scenes and those are consensual. And also the movie doesn't make the rapes erotic at all. I don't think the movie wanted people to beat off to those scenes, you couldn't even really see the chick during them. They were meant to be disturbing so you can want Harry's character to have revenge even more.

Raw Force (1982)

2007-01-06T23:35:00.000-08:00

Some evil guy that looks like Hitler has to feed Cannibal Monks hookers so they can have the power to make zombies on some island where he's doing some illegal shit. When a ship is on its way to this island, some kung-fu fighting with the zombies of course occurs because the people on the ship happen to know how to kick ass. Sounds like b-movie/exploitation/action heaven but I didn't find the movie over-the-top and wild enough to live up to its insane premise. A couple dashes of blood, a few gore-lite decapitations, and pretty standard action/fight scenes, nothing really mind-blowing but its decent enough to be worth a look for the cult movie geek that has to experience the most obscure titles out there. The story was super retarded, I forget what was going on most of the time cause the movie couldn't decide if it wanted to be a sitcom one minute or an action movie the next. I remember the movie became a party movie when eveyrone on the ship started to socialize. Eww, socializing is gay! But like I said, for you b-movie freaks, it's your duty to watch this just for the sake of encyclopedic knowledge in the world of obscure cinema.

Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend (1992)

2007-01-06T22:47:00.000-08:00

This is like one of my favorite comedies now! Damn, the guy in this movie is PATHETIC and unbelievably ridiculous...yet so real. It's so SAD it's FUNNY. My favorite thing about the movie is the soundtrack, it's like classic 80's rock with long mellow solos. The other thing I dig is the cheezy acting and memorable dialogue. There's a scene in the movie where the guy looks into the mirror and says he wants to stop "yanking his dick" in his dull but comical voice. No plot to this movie really, it just gives an intimate glimpse of a day in the life of one sad lonely security guard that constantly gives us insight into his mundane observations and thoughts about sex. Any little thing, from tv commercials to his diet, he will contemplate until he comes to the conclusion that he's a depressing loser sick with a sex obsession. Bible propaganda someone slides into his door about porn being a sin and hallucinations of his father calling him a loser adds more insult to his existence. He literally most of his life eats beef jerky while wearing nothing but underwear and watching cable porn (cable porn that just consists of "butter" face chicks stripping for what feels like forever!). Whenever he's in public he'll be a voyeur, which pisses people off and makes him look up the definition of "Insanity" cause he's starting to have all the symptomns of a serial killer. Eventually he goes on to more interactive things like phone sex and then hookers, which he blows all his money on. The way he tries to haggle for lower prices with hookers as if he were in a flea market is noteworthy. He keeps up this sad, money-draining, STD infested, lifestyle until the end where he hits rock bottom. This guy is such a cheap dork that he records his fuck adventures with hookers on both a hidden tape recorder and a camcorder so he can keep re-living the experience again. I'd actually do the same if I ever wasted money on a hooker, gotta get the money's worth. Great comedy, even has its weird moments, like a chick in a movie having sex with a brain-in-a-vat. It's a super simple movie with not that much story. I could see people getting bored and then finding it pointless, but if you're a great cheeze appreciator, you'll find yourself fascinated and wondering how much more pathetic this loser's lifestyle (who ALL men can relate to at some degree) can get to the very end. This guy is like Al Bundy if Al Bundy never got married and lived alone.

Discuss the Digust

2007-01-03T22:28:00.000-08:00

I got a lot more visitors than I thought I did (the hit counter goes by unique visits, meaning it only counts the number of different people that have visited the site, not by how many times the same person hit the re-fresh button). To make this site more interactive, I decided to make a forum, feel free to register and post whatever you want. I doubt that many people will register (you lurking batards), but check it over here. I'd recommend joining so you can go on the trade board and work out DVD-R or VHS copy trade deals with me and others if you want some hard to find shit

In other news, haven't been watching movies latley, that's why reviews are not as frequent. I swear as soon as I finish this painting I'll start popping in the DVDs. Just a couple more days and I'm done with it!

One last thing, WEIRD ASIA is back! Finally! That is like the best site ever, check it out here. The guy that runs it is like the master of obscure Asian movies, I could have never imagined some of them even existed!

Unlucky Monkey (1998)

2007-01-01T23:51:00.000-08:00

Why isn't director Sabu more well known? Every movie of his I've seen is "Top 10 favorite movies of all time" worthy for me. The most popular thing he's ever done was an acting part in "Ichi the Killer". That's a shame because "Unlucky Monkey" is a way better movie on so many levels! For those of you unfamiliar with him, Sabu's films mix dark humor, fucked-up drama, ironic situtations, philosophy, and some bloody action/violence. Also his stories are not linear, as in it doesn't follow the "plot A to plot B, the end" formula. Rather, the entire movie starts with a character who's one action triggers a continous unpredictable chain reaction that eventually snowballs into an over-the-top strange moment. In the case of "Unlucky Monkey", this chain reaction starts off with a bank robbery. Only 1 of the 3 robbers survives and gets away with the crime. This one survivor accidentally kills some chick though as he ran like hell with a knife in hand. He never got caught for the murder either but his guilt gets the best of him, giving him depressing psychological turmoil as he tries to rationalize the whole ordeal. Somehow his path crosses with some yakuzas that were in some pretty deep shit. You have to discover the ironic twists of fate and how these characters coincide with one another on your own because all the fun is in seeing the unpredictable mess of a life these guys have unfold and crash. Sure there is a decent amount of bleeding throughout the film thanks to gun violence, even a guy's crotch get shot, but don't bother watching this movie if you're looking for a non-stop gunfest. A large percentage of this movie's strength is from the philosophy explored in a very natural way that anyone alive can relate to, not just some pretentious scholar asshole. If you haven't seen a Sabu film yet, this ones a good one to start off with. Also the ending in this film is so weird and amazing, I promise you will have not seen it coming, must be seen to be believed!

The Sinful Dwarf (1973)

2006-12-25T17:58:00.000-08:00

A filthy sexploitation film with an evil dwarf that talks funny and still plays with toys, a drug dealer called Santa that hides drugs in teddy bears, and a mouth-watering hot blonde wearing nothing at all...WOW, this is brilliance! The opening credits with a strange avant-garde score playing while all kinds of toys move across the screen is a wild experience alone! Besides the credits, the story alone is absurd. A married couple rent a room at a house. Little do they know that the landlords (a mother and her dwarf son) have a secret room with kidnapped women held captive and injected with heroin supplied by "Santa Clause". Basically this mother and son team are pimp masters that keep their hoes weak and addicted to drugs, rendering them into hopeless junkies. Anyways, the room these chicks are locked in serves as a whorehouse where people are free to fuck any chick in there when they pay the entrance fee to the dwarf. (there's only one customer in the entire movie though, what a booming business haha). The sadistic mother/son pimp team decide to make one of their new tenants (the super hot blonde wife) "merchandise" for their illegal business. Yep, as you can tell, this is one sleazy fucked-up movie. There's quite a number of lenghty sex scenes, especially with the customer guy and the junkie chicks. Nothing hardcore/pornographic but they're pretty damn funny. This customer guy humps this one girl like mad. I'm not sure if it even counts as rape. The women looked like they didn't want sex but had to comply. Either way, it's so politically incorrect and misogynistic that it becomes as funny as Anal Cunt lyrics. Keep in mind, "Sinful Dwarf" isn't a very gory/violent film. The harshest scene is when one woman gets fucked with a cane by the dwarf, although what goes on is left to the imagination. If you find humor in the outrageous sleaze and mistreatment of women in movies like "Pink Flamingos" and "Bloodsucking Freaks," you NEED this! I kept thinking of those two movies as I watched this thing. Even if you don't like those movies, you might find yourself intrigued by the sinister facial expressions and mean antics of that evil dwarf fucker. I love that guy! What he lacks in height, he makes up for in sleaze and hilarity.

There are rare VHS and Japanese DVD's of this that are pretty damn expensive. But don't worry, Something Weird puts this out on DVD-R, go get it from them!

A Climax of Blue Power (1976)

2006-12-25T17:02:00.000-08:00

Here's a swell sleazy roughie/porno from the 70's, back when pornos actually had some interesting stories as if they were real dramas/thrillers that just happened to have hardcore sex scenes as opposed to the softcore sex you'd see in an R-rated film. This one involves a sleazeball impersonating a cop so he can arrest hookers and tell them he'll let them free if he can bang them. He even customizes his car and has a police radio. What a genius way to save money and get some crotch action with no strings attached. We get to see two occassions of his sneaky sex adventures. In the first adventure he humiliates a whore by making her jerk off in the mud while it rains. He makes her do this after giving her some rough sex in the back of his fraudulent police car. The second adventure involved going in a massage parlor and having a lengthy threesome with two whores, mostly genital slurping ensues. "Climax of a Blue Power" becomes plot-driven when the main character witnesses a wife murder her husband. The wife never got caught but this police-impersonator becomes obsessed with punishing the bitch. This punishmet involves his cock and things get pretty mean-spirited from there, especially when the dude dresses up like Norman Bates and gives her a bubblebath where he sticks the fingers where the sun don't shine. I like how the movie actually showed the psychological turmoil the guy was going through as he kept thinking of this husband-killing wife. There are neat insights into his mind through yellow-tinted dream sequences where he fantasizes of romantic sex with her to sadistic whipping. The guy was also obsessed over this woman to prove to the world that he does have what it takes to be a cop too. Apparently he wanted to be a cop before but ended up being a loser security guard nobody respects. It's a very well made film and the acting was really impressive, especially by the main man Jason Carns. I personally enjoyed it more as a crime/drama movie more than a porno. If you're interested in the story but don't want to feel so "dirty", either get used to the hardcore scenes or just hit the fast forward button (although that might end the movie pretty early). Interesting to note that the director did do non-pornos as well like "The Black Gestapo" and even the more mainstream MGM released "Thing with Two-Heads". I never thought the guy that did a fun b-movie like "Thing with Two-Heads" did raw explicit stuff!

Forced Entry (1971)

2006-12-22T22:02:00.000-08:00

"Forced Entry" is a perfect example of cinema pushed to a grim extreme through simplicity. No extreme gore or siezure inducing effects, just the raw ugliness of a pissed-off rapist, a genuinley creepy music score, and actual war footage that didn't even have blood is enough to send shivers down an iron spine. The movie is about a scumbag Nam Vet that works at a gas station and does some sadistic stuff. He has a clever way of getting into the houses of women customers so he can rape, mentally torture, and murder them in cold blood. He'll ramble on about how he hates people and then he'll say some humiliating un-PC things to his victims. One woman is threatened with a knife and forced to suck his cock while he goes on and on about hating her socio-economic type. And another woman gets forced into sodomy thanks to a gun in the sleazeball's hand. This woman too gets attacked verbally by the madman. During these sick rape scenes, real Vietnam War footage was inserted. You'd see a sudden b/w clip of Vietnamese children crying as the rape victim was begging for agony or a clip of weapons being loaded as the guy's penis gets attention. It's an interesting "compare and contrast" between the war in Vietnam and the war in the streets of mundane America. How the guy's reign of terror ends is another interesting metaphor (not unless I'm just looking way too deep into it). He gets destroyed by two hippie women that meant no harm at all, kinda like the same way peace-lovers were the Vietnam War's antithesis. Sure this movie is a porno but I don't think people were meant to pleasure themselves to the degrading rape scenes. These scenes are terrifying! Anyone that finds themselves jerking off to these rapes is seriously a freak! I feel the movie takes advantage of being a porno so it could illustrate how brutal the crushing of innocence can be through explicit uncensored sex. Overall, a solid disturbing sleaze film with a gritty atmosphere that's so dirty that you'll wanna wash your TV in soapy water later. The only parts that kinda ruin the dark serious mood of the film is when audio clips are looped to repeat a thought and also the sodomy scene cause I think the woman was really getting penetrated in the birth canal the whole time.

The Ravager (1970)

2006-12-22T20:25:00.000-08:00

Here's an early "NAM vet gone Wild" film that you "Forced Entry" and "Combat Shock" fans might dig. The main character has this hate for lovers, lesbians, and happy people. He delights in ruining joyous occassions (with explosives) ever since the Vietnam war where he witnessed a woman being raped, tortured, and exploded (dynamite up the joytrail!) by two Viet Cong goons. The psychology of the character operates on utterly retarded bad movie logic. We first learn he gets insitutionalized after the war and then as soon as he's out after being deemed sane he goes to some store to buy demolition/explosive equipment (were explosives really that easy to buy before?). There's even a cheezy narrator throughout the film giving us insight into this demented fuck's mind as if this were some educational 50's documentary. Not that much to the story really. The guy rents out some place where the landlady is a super bitch and just goes around looking for victims whenever he's out. When he finds them he quitely spys on what they're doing (usually fucking, no hardcore penetration though) as he prepares a bomb to set-off to kill. I think the movie padded itself too much by spending a lot of time on the softcore makeout scenes before the explosions hit. Not much violence either. There were some sleazy rapes though and in one rape he ends up suffocating the chick with a pillow. Although very simplistic and not as visually graphic, the story itself about a guy obsessed with "ravaging" happy people is pretty damn fucked up, so fucked up that it's ridiculously funny. He's like a rain cloud that suddenly obstructs rays of sunshine. Overall, it's a neat antisocial tale of some perverted nutcase, obsessed with destruction and sex, going on random acts of violence cause he was mentally disturbed in a nonsensical way. This one is for bottom of the barrel trash cinema weirdos (like me) to scrap up and appreciate for what it's worth cause I just can't see casual movie fans getting much out of this.

The awesome company Something Weird makes DVD-R's of it if you're interested. They're your easiest and probably only source to catch this obscure piece of exploitation psycho nam-vet history. The quality of the release is clear, it just has scratches on the film print that look like silky spiderwebs but you'll get used to it as you watch.

Coming Soon

2006-12-17T23:36:00.000-08:00

Patiently I wait in the mail for:

MY FRIENDS NEED KILLING
SEX WISH
CLIMAX OF BLUE POWER a.k.a.The Impersonator Order
FORCED ENTRY
WONDER WOMEN
BAT PUSSY
SINFUL DWARF
THE RAVAGER
ANIMAL
KWAHERI
WITCH WITH FLYING HEAD

And I just recently watched or am going to watch:

WOMEN ON THE RUN
ROBOTRIX
EXODUS FROM AFAR
MOTHER'S DAY
A BETTER TOMORROW 1 & 2
CRIMSON
VIRGIN SPRINGS
MAN BITES DOG
DOCTOR GORE
BLOODY PIT OF HORROR
MANIAC COP
SEXANDROIDE
WEDDING THROUGH
CRIPPLED AVENGERS
DR. LAMB (UNCUT, most complete version in world)
REQUITAL (saw some of it, ultra-VIOLENT HK Gangster flick)
BAD BOY BUBBY (just watched it yesterday, BRILLIANT!)

Keep an eye out for reviews/rants of all those flicks mentioned above some time soon. I've been focuing on my "Psycho Sleaze" comic latley (I might get this thing out sooner than I expected!). Last thing I worked on was a comic called "Cut to Fuck" and it was about these siamese-twins with one of them going insane from sexual frustrations. Something disturbing happens between them, take the hint from the title, "Cut to Fuck". There's another comic I'm working on called "Breastfeeding Massacre" that involves a hooker who's face and tits get fucked up when she fucks a guy that had mutant acid cum. Later her boobs keep growing and growing until they have a life of their own and things just get drastic from then on, it's a surprise. Good stuff eh?

They Eat Scum (1979)

2006-12-13T09:49:00.000-08:00

A weird Super-8 movie that was responsible for a whole "Transgressive Art" movement. The director, Nick Zedd, even coined the term "cinema of transgression". From my understanding "Transgressive Art" is art that's shocking, taboo-breaking, and anti-conformist. Pretty much it's the kinda shit that fascinates me! There sure are a lot of wild things in this flick that would be sure to piss off conservative yuppie tastes. The movie is about this Swastika-wearin' punk chick (Suzi Putrid) in a "deathrock" band ("deathrock", another term the director invented). She has a transvestite dog-fucking brother and a mean bible-thumping father that thinks Jesus is the best thing ever. The family's crazy antics make up the first couple of minutes and doesn't resemble a linear plot to follow. I don't even know if it was intentional but parts of the movie were sped-up, making the actors sound like chipmunks. Things get a bit more coherent (although still messy!) when at CBGB's (an infamous venue) Suzi's band plays their pissed-off music (the movie inserts live shows as if you were watching actual concert footage) and then orders the crowd to go out and kill people. She preached about hatred and cannibalism because they were the main goals in life. The funniest part in speech is when she says guys should cut off their dicks and girls sew their cunts (later we do see a sewn cunt!) so they could concentrate more on random acts of violence instead of sex ("fucking is for animals" she contends). Some absurd stuff from then on happens like a chick getting her boob skin sawed off, the chick's whole body getting eaten in gory detail, a guy who for some reason lays down in the road to get run over, and a flashback of a sick-incest rapist uncle in a dress. The movie operates on messy ridiculous b-movie logic with "Suzi" (or is it?) becoming the queen of Necropolis after starting a Nuclear holocaust.

This nuclear holocaust and her being a ruler of the land later leads to a mutant revolt...a DISCO mutant revolt. It involved guys in cheap monster costumes fighting bar room brawl style to the music of the Village People! One monster is a gigantic cock roach and we later see some Roach-Gore when he's smashed in an elevator! Cannibalism, incest, bestiality (a dog whorehouse?!), rape, nazi flags, blasphemy, castration, and violence....this movie clearly wanted to push the limits of bad taste. I would say this movie is what would happen if a sleazy bohemian set out to combine the "Fuck You and your society" scumbag punk mentality with a campy b-movie, complete with overacting, zany dialogue, and ridiculous special f/x (there's even some toy animation and a "turntable of death"!). I kept thinking to myself that this was like Pink Flamingos meets GG Allin. It comes to no surprise that I later found out the director actually did know John Waters and GG Allin. A true underground piece of punk trash art that has all the elements of being a notorious cult movie. I'm not sure why this thing isn't on DVD yet and I had to see this on what looks like a bootleg of a bootleg of a bootleg of a bootleg! The director is pretty legendary, even Quentin Tarantino made reference to him in Pulp Fiction, so there definitley is a potential bigger following this movie could have if it was more known.

Love to Kill (1993)

2006-12-11T13:01:00.000-08:00

Here's a sleaze-drenched CAT III with Anthony Wong as a psychotic wife-beater who's also a lawyer...yep, a laywer, there's no limit to how sadistic this character is! The movie wastes no time to show the dark side of the guy Wong plays in a memorable performance. Within a few minutes into the movie, the guy is furiously raping his wife when he catches her watching Arnold Schwarzenegger flex his muscles on tv. Looking at other people's muscles really pissed him off! He's so pissed that he covers her head tight in a plastic bag as he delivers some rough humping. A beer bottle being shoved where the sun don't shine and other humiliating acts were done to the poor woman. Luckily the wife manages to run out into the rainy street and stumbles upon a cop who gives Anthony Wong an assbeating. Some drama happens and then later Wong's wife and her kid hide out at the cop's girlfriend's house. Things get akward when the cop starts having the hots for the young milf. The mood went from mean-spirited to humorous at this moment but then later progresses into mean-spirit mode again when Wong hunts down his missing wife. As he looks for her, he'll have sick flashbacks of his spousal abuse and also of his fucked-up childhood which reveals why he's such a crazy wife-beating scumbag. The eventual finale is when things get a bit gory and has Wong's insanity go off the charts. He wields an axe like Jack Nicholson in the Shining and tries to have a birthday party for his son..which is a nightmare for the whole family. Overall, a perfect example of grim CAT III sleaze. It gives a good look at even "White-collar" types guilty of beating their wives (as opposed to just "trailer trash") and an interesting exploration of rigid laws that prevent justice, especially with abused wives and children.

As for the movie release itself, I definitley have an edited version (Tawian VCD) but I'm not sure how much and what got cut though. The rapes were violent and there was a gory decapitation, still a graphic film even after editing. Whether the sex and violence is more over the top, I dunno. I don't think there's much more to the gore cause there's only 2 or 3 (if flashbacks count) people in the movie that end up getting murdered. The only edit that was painfully obvious and annoying was when a woman gets raped and we suddenly get a jumpy fastcut close-up to blood coming out of her mouth. Anyways, even if it was cut, the nature of the story was dark enough to be worthy of a CAT III rating and it's a film that's more "story-driven" than "gratuitous exploitation-driven" so I don't really find myself buying the uncut (and UNTRANSLATED) DVD soon just to watch what was missing, the story was what I got the most impact from.