Wolf-Devil Woman (1982)

Bizzare movie mongers, take note of Wolf-Devil Woman because this is one hell of a movie! A village is ruled by a guy called the Devil (a guy with a golden KKK outfit) who has the power to freeze people's blood. Apparently he wants everyone to submit to him or else they die. Some chick that shoots colored smoke, a bunch of ninjas that can teleport, and voodoo doll controlled zombies are his army. One couple tries to escape his empire in the snow with their baby but can't go on any longer so they cut themselves to keep the baby warm with their blood. Things get weirder when they start head-butting the snow so an avalanche can bury the kid and keep her safe. Over time the baby is raised by wolves and the wolves feed her rare ginseng that, when eaten, can keep people immune to the Devil's blood freezing power. Two guys discover her when they tried to find that ginseng too and later they teach her how to speak, which is IMPOSSIBLE to do with feral children in real life, I know this from being a psych student. It's also impossible for a chick raised in the wilderness to have make-up and look like Asia Carrera at her hottest (seriously this wolf chick is hot, no nudity though). From then on it's Wolf Woman doing stuff stupid according to civilization (like getting drunk) and then later she has to get revenge on the Devil and end his empire, resulting in major asskicking.

There's a lot of energy jam packed in the whole mix where sudden bursts of actions impact your senses hard. In the first couple minutes of the movie alone you already see some kinda strange crucifixion with odd lights and sounds at a thunder striking pace. All the super-hyper cuts when crazy shit happens made me feel woozy, like I was tripping on acid and got my face slammed while doing my imitation of how a tornado moves. There's a fun 70's oriental orchestra score too and a lot of sound effects and scenes that look like something from that show, the Six Million Dollar Man. The martial arts battles are violent, with bleeding scratches, blood sprays, and the occassional ripped limbs or decapitation. Overall, insane goofy cutting, cool fights, cheezy characters, fun soundtrack, laughable f/x (cartoon flames?!), and a ridiculous non-sensical b-movie story makes this a true winner with weird cinema freaks like me. I think there's a hard to find VCD, but I got a bootleg from weirdworldcinema.com instead.

Run and Kill (1993)

A mild-mannered fat man's life goes to hell when one day he finds his wife with another man and ends up in a bar getting stupidly drunk where he did something he'll regret, he accidentally hired a hitman to kill his wife. Not only is he depressed about his wife's death the next day, he also can't pay the hitman what he owes so they start messing with him, his business, and his little daughter for not paying his debt....things still get more fucked-up after trying to solve the debt problem though. Lets just say it gets him into a mess with a psychotic killing-machine that sheds not a single ounce of mercy for the elderly or children (he does something to a kid that is ridiculously sadistic and would offend a whole lot of people). It's a really clever over-the-top violent thriller. There's a good amount of machine guns blasting, explosions, hard-hitting fights that make you really feel the pain, and blood spilling (especially in one nasty scene where a guy gets bled to death). When the mild-mannered fatty finally tries to seek revenge in his own hands, he literally does "RUN and KILL!" and is more pissed than ever. A classic CAT III, it delivers the sadism, mean-spirit, and violence that the "genre" is notorious for.

Eternal Evil of Asia (1995)

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Boarding House aka Housegeist (1981)

Everything about it is awfully shitty. And there in lies its beauty. This was one of the early Shot-on-Video horror movies and it’s amazing in its amateurish nonsensical failures. The winning elements are a random pie fight, a wealth of tits and ass, tacky schlock gore with some guts, primitive computer text with a laughable sound as each sentence is typed, weird telepathic meditations, and a spectacular ending that just drips with cheese every second cause it involves that telepathy thing to fight a ghost with nice tits. Story involves a haunted house now inhabited by some ultra-sleazeball that does weird meditations and only wants a couple top-notch chicks as roommates in the house. Some stupid stuff happens throughout the movie (a rape flashback where everyone still had their clothes on) then all of a sudden later in the video they’re ready to have a party (which will take part in the end where all hell breaks loose of course).

Monsturd (2003)

I was expecting stupid fun but all I got was stupid. There isn't anything funny at all. It was so bad it simply sucked. You'd think with a name like "Monsturd" there'd be some hilarious disgusting scenes, like the vomit scene in Bad Taste. All the shit jokes were so obvious though. Any idiot could come up with this bland ultra-tame/G-rated dialogue. They also have awful music being abused in every scene. Give it a rest, geesh. There aren't any violent/gore parts either. When the lame monster attacks, they just show people screaming and water splashing with some tootsie roll stains apparently. The monster only gets shown a couple times. The worst part of the movie is that it takes elements of the thriller genre (which it tries to spoof as well as horror) too seriously. There were details they just spent too much time on explaining. I wanted to watch a movie, not follow something pointless. I can't believe I sat through this mess. The ending felt like they just ran out of ideas so they ended everything in a snap with bullshit CGI. What a shitty movie (very appropriate description for the title eh?). The only redeeming quality about this movie is I'll have something to throw at people in case everything else I own disappears and I have the need for a projectile. I’d probably only need a projectile just to break another copy of Monsturd though. Ugh, just take a look at the year this was made, I should have known better.

Deathdream (1974)

A solider that died in war returns to his small town home after his family was told he was dead. His arrival was a joyous moment until he acts like a silent antisocial asshole and kills some people and a dog. The movie isn't cheesy or trashy and has a very serious unsettling tone, utilizing the archetype horrors of a zombie/serial killer to illustrate the real horrors of war's affect on society beyond the battlefield. It's a depressing tale with some genuinley creepy make-up and mysterious atmosphere. The social commentary was subtle, using metaphors to get the message out in clever ways (ex: the blood addiction parallels the drug addiction in NAM). Tom Savini's first movie but not that much gore, only a few blood splatter and a gruesome neck wound. You mindless gorehounds would be dissapointed. The DVD from Blue Undergorund is a must own and has interesting extras. This is like my fav Bob Clark film. A lot of people don't realize this movie was from the same guy that brought us "Porky's" and "A Christmas Story" (the one where Ralphie shoots his eye out).

Nightmare in a Damaged Brain (1981)

It’s a standard psycho slasher movie but what sets it apart from most others is the over-the-top brutality. One unfortunate babysitter gets her back hammered in, leaving deep holes within her flesh that spit blood. Then there’s the infamous end where the weird fuck flashbacks to some perverted kinky shit he witnessed and is the origin for his insanity. The bowtie wearing little boy (the psycho as a kid) does some major damage with an axe, chopping limbs off and leaving gushing blood fountains in his sex-crazed father and some whore. There’s not that many kills throughout the whole movie but the few kills present give new meaning to the word bloodbath. As for the story, it’s nothing amazing really. It’s just about a guy from a mental hospital whose medication doesn’t work and is trying to find his kids and wife who has a boyfriend now. And as he is hunting them down, he kills a few random people on the way and has nightmarish flashbacks of scenes from that one axe massacre he delivered to his own dad. A bit too many slow mushy family-drama scenes that have nothing to do with the psycho (they all have to do with the wife, her boyfriend, and the kids) but the killer that freaks out about sleazy sexual stuff and kills shit until it’s a bloody mess makes this a worthy viewing for gorehounds and b-movie fans. Tom Savini is credited for working on some of the awesome splatter effects but has denied ever having to do anything with the movie. Even though pictures of him on the set have surfaced, it’s said that he was just the consultant while Ed French did the actual stuff. But on the imdb.com board some guy said he emailed Mr. French and he said he didn’t do the effects and didn’t want to name the people either. That’s a shame nobody is taking credit for this splatterfest. Make sure you get it uncut if you ever buy it, fuck the edited version! Fuck the edited version of anything anyways. I got my copy from Slasher Index. Not a "real" release but the quality and package looks good and you know it's made by a fellow fan that wouldn't give you a crappy cut version.

The infamous patricide scene here!