The Impossible Kid (1982)

What's not to love? It's Weng Weng and his crazy antics. We see him do some karate asskicking, hit people with a stick 5X taller than him, ride a mini motorcycle, kiss women that find him irresistable, and do jump flips in this one. This is just about as good as Weng Weng's other movie "For Yu'r Height Only". I forget what the story was here, his movies aren't really known for their profound coherent stories you know. There was something about a ransom and the bad guy wore a KKK mask. I think this one was called "Impossible Kid" cause they had those self destructing tapes. "Mission Impossible" (the TV show, not the gay movie) had those tapes that exploded after watching them right? Not much else to say about this movie, you won't be dissapointed if you were looking forward to Weng Weng doing goddamn amazing things and beating up bad guys. That's pretty much the entire movie. Anything that guy does is simply brilliance. He could be playing pogs or just be brushing his teeth and it would still look awesome. What a great guy Weng Weng was. As far as I know, the easiest and only non-bootleg way to get this movie is to buy this "50 Movie Pack Martial Arts" DVD Collection that costs about $15 usually. It's worth every penny. I love the way they dubbed Weng Weng's voice, it so doesn't match him!! After you watch this you'll want it ASAP.

Raw Force (1982)

Some evil guy that looks like Hitler has to feed Cannibal Monks hookers so they can have the power to make zombies on some island where he's doing some illegal shit. When a ship is on its way to this island, some kung-fu fighting with the zombies of course occurs because the people on the ship happen to know how to kick ass. Sounds like b-movie/exploitation/action heaven but I didn't find the movie over-the-top and wild enough to live up to its insane premise. A couple dashes of blood, a few gore-lite decapitations, and pretty standard action/fight scenes, nothing really mind-blowing but its decent enough to be worth a look for the cult movie geek that has to experience the most obscure titles out there. The story was super retarded, I forget what was going on most of the time cause the movie couldn't decide if it wanted to be a sitcom one minute or an action movie the next. I remember the movie became a party movie when eveyrone on the ship started to socialize. Eww, socializing is gay! But like I said, for you b-movie freaks, it's your duty to watch this just for the sake of encyclopedic knowledge in the world of obscure cinema.

Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend (1992)

This is like one of my favorite comedies now! Damn, the guy in this movie is PATHETIC and unbelievably ridiculous...yet so real. It's so SAD it's FUNNY. My favorite thing about the movie is the soundtrack, it's like classic 80's rock with long mellow solos. The other thing I dig is the cheezy acting and memorable dialogue. There's a scene in the movie where the guy looks into the mirror and says he wants to stop "yanking his dick" in his dull but comical voice. No plot to this movie really, it just gives an intimate glimpse of a day in the life of one sad lonely security guard that constantly gives us insight into his mundane observations and thoughts about sex. Any little thing, from tv commercials to his diet, he will contemplate until he comes to the conclusion that he's a depressing loser sick with a sex obsession. Bible propaganda someone slides into his door about porn being a sin and hallucinations of his father calling him a loser adds more insult to his existence. He literally most of his life eats beef jerky while wearing nothing but underwear and watching cable porn (cable porn that just consists of "butter" face chicks stripping for what feels like forever!). Whenever he's in public he'll be a voyeur, which pisses people off and makes him look up the definition of "Insanity" cause he's starting to have all the symptomns of a serial killer. Eventually he goes on to more interactive things like phone sex and then hookers, which he blows all his money on. The way he tries to haggle for lower prices with hookers as if he were in a flea market is noteworthy. He keeps up this sad, money-draining, STD infested, lifestyle until the end where he hits rock bottom. This guy is such a cheap dork that he records his fuck adventures with hookers on both a hidden tape recorder and a camcorder so he can keep re-living the experience again. I'd actually do the same if I ever wasted money on a hooker, gotta get the money's worth. Great comedy, even has its weird moments, like a chick in a movie having sex with a brain-in-a-vat. It's a super simple movie with not that much story. I could see people getting bored and then finding it pointless, but if you're a great cheeze appreciator, you'll find yourself fascinated and wondering how much more pathetic this loser's lifestyle (who ALL men can relate to at some degree) can get to the very end. This guy is like Al Bundy if Al Bundy never got married and lived alone.

The Ravager (1970)

Here's an early "NAM vet gone Wild" film that you "Forced Entry" and "Combat Shock" fans might dig. The main character has this hate for lovers, lesbians, and happy people. He delights in ruining joyous occassions (with explosives) ever since the Vietnam war where he witnessed a woman being raped, tortured, and exploded (dynamite up the joytrail!) by two Viet Cong goons. The psychology of the character operates on utterly retarded bad movie logic. We first learn he gets insitutionalized after the war and then as soon as he's out after being deemed sane he goes to some store to buy demolition/explosive equipment (were explosives really that easy to buy before?). There's even a cheezy narrator throughout the film giving us insight into this demented fuck's mind as if this were some educational 50's documentary. Not that much to the story really. The guy rents out some place where the landlady is a super bitch and just goes around looking for victims whenever he's out. When he finds them he quitely spys on what they're doing (usually fucking, no hardcore penetration though) as he prepares a bomb to set-off to kill. I think the movie padded itself too much by spending a lot of time on the softcore makeout scenes before the explosions hit. Not much violence either. There were some sleazy rapes though and in one rape he ends up suffocating the chick with a pillow. Although very simplistic and not as visually graphic, the story itself about a guy obsessed with "ravaging" happy people is pretty damn fucked up, so fucked up that it's ridiculously funny. He's like a rain cloud that suddenly obstructs rays of sunshine. Overall, it's a neat antisocial tale of some perverted nutcase, obsessed with destruction and sex, going on random acts of violence cause he was mentally disturbed in a nonsensical way. This one is for bottom of the barrel trash cinema weirdos (like me) to scrap up and appreciate for what it's worth cause I just can't see casual movie fans getting much out of this.

The awesome company Something Weird makes DVD-R's of it if you're interested. They're your easiest and probably only source to catch this obscure piece of exploitation psycho nam-vet history. The quality of the release is clear, it just has scratches on the film print that look like silky spiderwebs but you'll get used to it as you watch.

They Eat Scum (1979)

A weird Super-8 movie that was responsible for a whole "Transgressive Art" movement. The director, Nick Zedd, even coined the term "cinema of transgression". From my understanding "Transgressive Art" is art that's shocking, taboo-breaking, and anti-conformist. Pretty much it's the kinda shit that fascinates me! There sure are a lot of wild things in this flick that would be sure to piss off conservative yuppie tastes. The movie is about this Swastika-wearin' punk chick (Suzi Putrid) in a "deathrock" band ("deathrock", another term the director invented). She has a transvestite dog-fucking brother and a mean bible-thumping father that thinks Jesus is the best thing ever. The family's crazy antics make up the first couple of minutes and doesn't resemble a linear plot to follow. I don't even know if it was intentional but parts of the movie were sped-up, making the actors sound like chipmunks. Things get a bit more coherent (although still messy!) when at CBGB's (an infamous venue) Suzi's band plays their pissed-off music (the movie inserts live shows as if you were watching actual concert footage) and then orders the crowd to go out and kill people. She preached about hatred and cannibalism because they were the main goals in life. The funniest part in speech is when she says guys should cut off their dicks and girls sew their cunts (later we do see a sewn cunt!) so they could concentrate more on random acts of violence instead of sex ("fucking is for animals" she contends). Some absurd stuff from then on happens like a chick getting her boob skin sawed off, the chick's whole body getting eaten in gory detail, a guy who for some reason lays down in the road to get run over, and a flashback of a sick-incest rapist uncle in a dress. The movie operates on messy ridiculous b-movie logic with "Suzi" (or is it?) becoming the queen of Necropolis after starting a Nuclear holocaust.

This nuclear holocaust and her being a ruler of the land later leads to a mutant revolt...a DISCO mutant revolt. It involved guys in cheap monster costumes fighting bar room brawl style to the music of the Village People! One monster is a gigantic cock roach and we later see some Roach-Gore when he's smashed in an elevator! Cannibalism, incest, bestiality (a dog whorehouse?!), rape, nazi flags, blasphemy, castration, and violence....this movie clearly wanted to push the limits of bad taste. I would say this movie is what would happen if a sleazy bohemian set out to combine the "Fuck You and your society" scumbag punk mentality with a campy b-movie, complete with overacting, zany dialogue, and ridiculous special f/x (there's even some toy animation and a "turntable of death"!). I kept thinking to myself that this was like Pink Flamingos meets GG Allin. It comes to no surprise that I later found out the director actually did know John Waters and GG Allin. A true underground piece of punk trash art that has all the elements of being a notorious cult movie. I'm not sure why this thing isn't on DVD yet and I had to see this on what looks like a bootleg of a bootleg of a bootleg of a bootleg! The director is pretty legendary, even Quentin Tarantino made reference to him in Pulp Fiction, so there definitley is a potential bigger following this movie could have if it was more known.

The Black Klansman (1966)

A Black Klansman!? What the fuck, what next, an obese anorexic, walking crippled, blind seeing-eye dog, meat-eating vegans, Homosexual Jew Nazis? It's like the inspiration for this movie happened when some kids were coming up with the most ridiculous oxymorons they could think of. The concept and title alone are pretty damn weird and automatically deserves to be in my personal "obscure insane wtf shit" collection, so you know I just had to hunt this down for the novelty value (and so I could tell annoying Dave Chapelle fans that a Black Klansman was done before Chapelle Show!). You don't really see a black Klansman though which the cover depicts. Instead a "black"/white guy who's daughter gets burned alive by the Klan wants revenge (who wouldn't?). This revenge involves him changing his identity by putting on a straight-hair wig and shaving his chin so he could pass off as a white guy and go undercover in the KKK to destory them from the inside...what's funny though is this guy could have passed off as white even without the "drastic" makeover. This makeover was as dramatic as Clark Kent changing into Superman (yeah really, glasses and a suit makes Superman a totally different person). Anyways he also dates the head Klansman's daughter to add insult to injury, that's pretty much the plot and shit that's hilarious because of how utterly unconvincing it is happens (the race transformation by a wig alone, you gotta be fucking kidding me haha, I still laugh just thinking about it). "Black Klansman" is a really obscure early exploitation film that should appeal to old school b&w b-movie fans that like tacky unintentionally funny cheeze movies. It exploits politically incorrect racial tensions, corruption, and has comical white supremacists that think Civil Rights are bad because there was nothing about them in the bible. A company called Blax (who specialize in Blaxploitations I guess) put this thing out on DVD and ebay is the only place I've found it. If you're like me, amused by crazy ideas actually being attempted on film, you might want it..just don't expect tons of sleaze and violence like all the other movies I usually view.

Ghoul School (1990)

If you dig goofy ultra-low budget movies like "Flesh Eating Mothers," "Video Violence," "Bloodsuckers From Outer Space," and Troma shit, you might dig "Ghoul School" too. This movie has the same cheezy as hell fun b-movie feel as that stuff I mentioned. I was impressed by how much gore there was in this too, a gorefest! Blood squirting, poked eyes, torn limbs, wounds, meaty gore chunks, decapitated heads, and guts are here. Sure the effects are fake as fuck, but that adds more to the goofball cheeze-feel. The story involves the water at a school getting contaminated by two thugs that killed the obese janitor for some reason, which then leads to the swim team turning into people-killing Ghouls (apparently people with big teeth painted blue and bleed green). Two horror geeks, a lame heavy metal band, the basketball team, this one coach called "dick", and some other people end up getting stuck in the school. Pretty simple story. The movie then has a zombie-movie formula where people try to figure out what to do while flesheaters prey on them. People say stupid stuff to each other and gore ensues, you know what to expect. The dialogue is funny without trying too hard at being funny, cool old school punk and metal tunes, and Jackie "Joke Man" Martling manages to have a scene where he blurts out a bunch of jokes, haha, "What do you say to a woman with no arms or legs...NICE TITS!" Overall, I enjoyed this even though I didn't expect much out of it. It was made in 1990 and it still carried the innocent 80's b-movie spirit. The movie was short, only 72 minutes, IMDB says it's 90 minutes. I got this in a shitty Brentwood 4-pack called "Ghoul School" (the same 4-pack I got Filthy Mcnasty, ugh) so I wouldn't be surprised if it got cut to fit more movies on one DVD....although the Tempe release (the official release) is only 72 minutes long too. hmm, no clue how long it's suppose to be, but I was satisfied with what gore I saw.

Cannibal Apocalypse (1980)

If you're looking for non-stop cannibalism gore munching, I don't think this will satisfy your appetite. There were only a few actual eating human parts and as for gore in general, it's pretty gory, the two stand outs were a ridiculously huge shotgun blast right through a guy (yep, you see a bloody hole in him in all its gory detail) and the other being a limb of a guy at a gas station getting sawed up into lots of meaty red pieces. Besides violence, there is some sex for you tit fans. This one next door neighbor chick gets down right slutty. Overall, the fantastic story about a disease from Vietnam compelling people to bite others, which infects others and results in an epidemic in the city, is cheese galore for guys that know how to appreciate b-movie madness. It has the mechanics of a zombie invasion movie so should appeal to zombie fans. The acting is good too (John Saxon and the guy who's head gets drilled in Gates of Hell are here..that guy also got his weiner chopped off in Cannibal Ferox). Anyways, I’ve seen so many people trash Cannibal Apocalypse, don't let all the negative reviews get to you if you're a b-movie fan and haven’t seen this yet. The bitching is usually by someone expecting every movie to be as gory as Dead Alive or as realistic in gore as a surgery on the Learning Channel. Those idiots don’t have the patience and attention span to sit down and watch a zany movie idea from start to finish, no wonder all these worthless pseudo-snuff movies like August Underground are being made, those just appeal to some br00tal imbecile too stupid to follow an actual crazy storyline that has creativity. A cheeze, gore, and sleaze essential!

The Alien Factor (1978)

Alien Factor has this amazing story about aliens crashing on earth, terrorizing people, getting people to act stupid about handling the problem, and the ending is a huge unexpected twist that got me giggling for days. There were awesome primitive lazer beam effects and a silly yet amusing explanation for many of the bizarre happenings. The best part about the movie was this freakishly tall alien walking on carpet covered stilts. It looked like he was going to tip over any second too. He also had this weird thing with swinging his right hand in a rhythm. Watch as people run in fear from this thing they probably had to help up from falling after filming the scene. And if you like claymation, there's one alien you'll be delighted to see in action. There's an epic battle between an unconvincing claymation alien creature that's so awesome for being so lame with the early camera tricks. The Alien Factor DVD doubles with another Don Dohler movie titled "Fiend", which I guess I could spare a few words about. Not as good as Alien Feactor but was pretty cool too, simple story about this neighborhood jerk that chokes people to death in order to gain energy to live longer. Nobody suspects him though (even if his murders are done in broad daylight). The one man to stop him is his next door neighbor that hates his loud music. Plenty of trademark Don Dohler cheesy lazer/light effects. Don Dohler is a genius filmmaker, Nightbeast is still my favorite of his cause of the all out video game lazers that "decimate" people and also cause of the gore. Anyways, get familiar with Dohler's work, he has his own style (which I can't say about all the replaceable hacks these days) and most of his movies have the same lovable dork actors that use the same names from their previous movies even! Alien Factor is mucho CHEEZE SUPREME!

Attack of the Beast Creatures (1985)

HAHAHAHAH!!! Oh my GOD! If you want CHEEZE, you got it! This is the ultimate cheeze movie for me. There really isn't much to the story. In the 1920's, some people get stranded on an island and want to escape because it's inhabited by a shitload of mysterious creatures that are really customized demonic barbie dolls from the looks of it. These creatures ask no questions and go straight to attacking, it's never explained why they're so pissed off and bloodthristy. Acid water puddles are another danger that lurks around the island too (one guy melts until he's a skeleton!). Between monster attacks, there are scenes where the characters get to know each other and one old man is a cranky asshole that pisses people off. The great thing is that the actors are genuinley trying to put on a performance of a lifetime with what little there is to work with. We see people screaming in utter agony at the top of their lungs as they have fake blood splattered on them and have to rub these demonic doll things up against their bodies to make the lifeless figures look alive and kicking. One woman getting attacked looked like she was crying while breast feeding the little fella! Seeing those "beast creatures" run and swing their arms is too much damn greatness in a movie alone. I don't know how these actors managed to not burst into laughter as they had to act attacked. I'm glad they remained professional instead of trying to act so conscious of how silly everything is. An ambitious 80's b-movies with no shame of how low the budget is.

Thanks to yours truly, you can witness ATTACKS of the BEAST CREATURES over here!

Skinned Alive (1989)

Sure the box art is pretty damn gay, but it's a neat Ed Gein-esque story with a massive helping of the red juice! A family comprised of a crabby hag with an eye patch, her asshole son and asshole daughter go around traveling in their van and killing people to get skin for making high quality apparel. Sounds like something from Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Motel Hell eh? One day their car breaks down in some small town and they reside in an unsuspecting Good Samaritan’s house along with his wife. As they live there the sadistic family goes on running their “business” at this home, which consists of skinning people alive. Skin carving is actually shown without any cuts. Watch the flesh get sliced as a blade runs through it. Funny thing though is this skin cutting looks like a bleeding flesh-colored football getting cut like a birthday cake (even the filmmakers mention the birthday cake thing). Skin does get ripped off too, exposing comical blood covered bones. It’s an awesome cheesefest, only the morbid crybabies that want serious “sick gore” will be disappointed. The only truly sick thing in the movie in my opinion was the sister stripping for the brother. That strip scene was kinda cool though, she cut off her clothes with a knife!..but still it was for her brother ewww. The gorier stuff happens when the hero of the movie (an alcoholic loser ex-cop with a wretched bitch ex-wife) gets his trusty machine gun to kill this sick family. Ridiculous machine gun blasting and a blade on the machine gun becomes blood and guts galore. That’s pretty much it. Watch out for a whole body that’s skinless.

Bread and Circus (2003)

This movie plays out a lot like Bad Taste. It takes place mostly in grassy fields where people are running around killing each other until someone is left bloody and butchered. The gore, like Bad Taste, is exaggerated, gross, over-the-top, and comical so it truly does earn the title as the "Norwegian Bad Taste". One guy gets sliced in half with a sword and his guts spill out so this one guy can find his keys that were eaten. There are other sliced humans where you can see all their red gooey insides. Heads are left wide open so blood and mushy gore can gush. This other dude drop kicks some guy onto a tree branch so he can get impaled and his cartoon-ish heart pops out. Another guy gets kicked in the ass while taking a shit. When his ass bleeds, he sticks a beer bottle up his ass (you see it get painfully shoved up) to stop the bleeding. Suddenly he gets thirsty again and shits the bottle out to drink. Hell there’s even an alien in this movie and it involved a space-ship that cums into mother (literally “mother”) earth’s vagina (a vagina that people pop out of in the movie), it adds to the surreal weridness of it all. But unlike Bad Taste, Bread and Circus tackles deeps concepts such as identity and freedom. Apparently life moves like an assembly line in the movie. Mother earth plops you out and then you’re just left to fill some cookie-cutter standard of living where you walk across a path with arrows, have a brief case handcuffed to you, work for people richer than you, and then roll over dead one day in a world that was run by a corrupt king that employs a gun crazy force to keep you in track. People who are deemed undesirable for society are left in the woods where cannibalism takes place. One guy who lived this boring life wrote some radical, ten commandment-like shit, on some stone tablets. Years later a couple reads these words of wisdom and are inspired to start a violent revolution to break free from the king's power and society's limiting norms. They find a fuckload of weapons and start killing tons of people in the "system" including the unjust king and even one guy that looks like Eminem! The kill spree goes on for a long time until the end.

This movie could be enjoyed on two levels: as a mindless splatterfest or a mindful splatterfest. Depends if you can pick up the subtle metaphors and make sense of the scenes that seem like random weirdness to casual viewers. An impressive film for such a low budget with a small cast. Plus it was made in 2003, good to see a really werid and creative gross-out gore film come from that awful year.

Wolf-Devil Woman (1982)

Bizzare movie mongers, take note of Wolf-Devil Woman because this is one hell of a movie! A village is ruled by a guy called the Devil (a guy with a golden KKK outfit) who has the power to freeze people's blood. Apparently he wants everyone to submit to him or else they die. Some chick that shoots colored smoke, a bunch of ninjas that can teleport, and voodoo doll controlled zombies are his army. One couple tries to escape his empire in the snow with their baby but can't go on any longer so they cut themselves to keep the baby warm with their blood. Things get weirder when they start head-butting the snow so an avalanche can bury the kid and keep her safe. Over time the baby is raised by wolves and the wolves feed her rare ginseng that, when eaten, can keep people immune to the Devil's blood freezing power. Two guys discover her when they tried to find that ginseng too and later they teach her how to speak, which is IMPOSSIBLE to do with feral children in real life, I know this from being a psych student. It's also impossible for a chick raised in the wilderness to have make-up and look like Asia Carrera at her hottest (seriously this wolf chick is hot, no nudity though). From then on it's Wolf Woman doing stuff stupid according to civilization (like getting drunk) and then later she has to get revenge on the Devil and end his empire, resulting in major asskicking.

There's a lot of energy jam packed in the whole mix where sudden bursts of actions impact your senses hard. In the first couple minutes of the movie alone you already see some kinda strange crucifixion with odd lights and sounds at a thunder striking pace. All the super-hyper cuts when crazy shit happens made me feel woozy, like I was tripping on acid and got my face slammed while doing my imitation of how a tornado moves. There's a fun 70's oriental orchestra score too and a lot of sound effects and scenes that look like something from that show, the Six Million Dollar Man. The martial arts battles are violent, with bleeding scratches, blood sprays, and the occassional ripped limbs or decapitation. Overall, insane goofy cutting, cool fights, cheezy characters, fun soundtrack, laughable f/x (cartoon flames?!), and a ridiculous non-sensical b-movie story makes this a true winner with weird cinema freaks like me. I think there's a hard to find VCD, but I got a bootleg from weirdworldcinema.com instead.

Eternal Evil of Asia (1995)

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Boarding House aka Housegeist (1981)

Everything about it is awfully shitty. And there in lies its beauty. This was one of the early Shot-on-Video horror movies and it’s amazing in its amateurish nonsensical failures. The winning elements are a random pie fight, a wealth of tits and ass, tacky schlock gore with some guts, primitive computer text with a laughable sound as each sentence is typed, weird telepathic meditations, and a spectacular ending that just drips with cheese every second cause it involves that telepathy thing to fight a ghost with nice tits. Story involves a haunted house now inhabited by some ultra-sleazeball that does weird meditations and only wants a couple top-notch chicks as roommates in the house. Some stupid stuff happens throughout the movie (a rape flashback where everyone still had their clothes on) then all of a sudden later in the video they’re ready to have a party (which will take part in the end where all hell breaks loose of course).

Headless Eyes (1971)

What if Driller Killer was directed, written, produced, and even edited by Ed Wood? You’d get a comical disaster like Headless Eyes! This is an art-house film gone wrong on every level. You got horrible goofy cuts and sound, cheesy 70’s music, actors surprisingly keeping a straight face when any other human would explode in laughter, and a wacky b-movie premise that takes itself too seriously as if it was meant to be a legit drama. What happens is a down-on-his-luck artist gets his eyeball poked out by a spoon when he broke into some chick’s house to steal money for rent. When his eye gets ripped out, the same sound clip of the guy crying “ah! My eye!” is looped as he squirms on the ground in pain looking like an idiot while bystanders look on like idiots too. Since then, our protagonist has been an antisocial asshole-type starving artist, obsessed with eyeball-themed art, which requires him to stalk and kill random people and take you know what. Of course the story isn’t complete without the cop determined to find out who the killer is behind these ghastly murders and one dumb girl that befriends this bohemian serial killer. There’s a scene where some ugly old crazy lady just sits and laughs menacingly as she repeatedly says, “I know who did it, I know who did it”. She never does specify who she knew did what though but this still freaks out our psycho artist of course and we see him flee the scene with an oddball 70’s soundtrack. Overall, this movie is worth getting on VHS (no DVD yet) if you know how to appreciate the absurd brilliance in cheese flicks. Not really that gory though and the picture of “eyeless heads” on the box’s back is nowhere in the movie. There are a couple removed eyeballs covered in blood, they look so tacky and plastic, that’s about it for the gore.

If you want it, Screamtorium DVD probably has some good looking DVD copies left.

Blood Beat (1985)

Well after all these years, I finally got a copy of Bloodbeat in my hands..and it's probably the cheeziest thing I've ever owned! It really had a Don Dohler (Nightbeast, Alien Factor) feel with the bad 80's lazer effects all over the place and 80's b-movie sound effects (they sound like Atari). The samurai ghost slasher was surrounded by blue light rays and people would shoot telepahtic lazer beams or whatever at it. You have to see this to believe it. The "telepathic lazer" battle reminds of Boarding House but the way the people move and the look on their faces is even more insane! It looked like they were pissed off while having a siezure, hah, is that even possible? Gore level is dissapointing but the Samurai breathing like Darth Vader and talking like a lamb makes up for it. The best part of the movie is when everything in a kitchen starts shaking then flies at this one guy, he gets attacked by a packet of Ramen noodles hahaha. A super awesome cheesefest. What makes it even better is you can tell this was a serious effort to make a creepy supernatural flick but the retarded everything overpowers any legitimacy! Good luck tyring to find a VHS copy (the only real release it has and always will have cause no company will put this out haha), if you really wanna see it my buddy at Screamtorium DVD makes cool DVD-R copies of it, check with him.

Killer Workout aka Aerobicide (1986)

A hybrid of lame 80’s aerobics and a lame 80’s slasher with some lame fight between two meatheads and lame music (where the lyrics consist of counting haha) makes this totally awesome. Not much to the plot, typical slasher formula: People are dying at a fitness club, who could it be and why? You got the standard hothead cop on the case and a few dorks that could be suspects. The ending is actually clever, makes you think about the justice system and even makes you wonder who really was the murderer, but the cheesy as fuck burn victim make-up strips away any legitimacy this movie could have merited. Oh and one of the aerobic instructors is really hot, in one scene you get to see her boobs. A must see for cheese fans that know how to appreciate ridiculous concepts with an even more ridiculous execution (haha, the fistfight in the parking lot between the two meatheads still keeps me cracking, I like how some chick all of a sudden wants to bang the winner right after)

Revenge of the Radioactive News Reporter (1990)

As soon as you see the box it looks like a Toxic Avenger rip-off. Well the make-up kinda screams that but overall this wasn’t as goopy and bloody as a Troma film. A very sappy love story with a few b-movie elements, reminds me of Darkman on a lower budget and cheese-stenched actors. Basically some reporter who knows too much about a greedy corporation’s toxic pollution is thrown into a pool of green water where the corporation thought he died. Little did they know he became a mutated freak! Now his mission is to stop the corporation from killing his girlfriend who too knows “too much”, re-connect with his girlfriend that thinks he’s dead, and last but not least, he needs uhh..revenge!…you see where this is going. Both intentional and unintentional humor (the satire on corporations was clever) and one detached head are a few highlights. It’s all right, I wouldn’t bother hunting it down though. No boring parts, mildly fun, kill a Saturday afternoon with it.

Rocktober Blood (1984)

Heavy metal themed horror movies don’t get any better than this. The soundtrack is the main highlight in the movie. It’s beyond EPIC! The singer decapitates a chick, rips the heart out of a chick, and rips some guts too as he sings “Killer on the Loose” live on stage in front of a dimwitted audience. “I’m Back,” and “Rainbow Eyes” are other killer songs performed on stage as unintentional hilarity ensues. I got to admit (as do other Rocktober Blood fans) that the movie does have some dreadfully slow parts in the middle. It consists of stretched out suspense. Normally that would shit a movie over for me but Rocktober Blood totally redeems itself and more with the awesome beginning and awesome ending. I can overlook that crappy middle because of the opening kills and ending kills (with music!). The story is about some rockstar (Billy) going crazy one day in the studio and killing people that happened to be there. He was later sentenced to the electric chair. Couple years later, the chick of the band continues the band and starts the Rocktober Blood tour. Strange things start happening though. The chick starts being haunted by Billy (but I thought he was dead, oh no!). Is this Billy a ghost? Is he only in her head? Is he even Billy? Find out yourself by sitting through a horrible movie just for the shocking conclusion, badass music, and sweet nacho-cheesy kills! You must find out what Rainbow Eyes is or you’re not my friend...no wonder I don’t have that many friends