Through the Looking Glass (1976)

A bizzare, surreal, sadistic, and creepy supernatural tale from the 70's that resembles more of a twisted Euro-horror/exploitation film than a porno. The movie is about a rich blonde woman (so fucking hot!) depressed with her bourgeoisie lifestyle and dead father. To escape such a lame sexless life (her husband sucksass), she indulges in perversions in front of a mirror. This mirror proves to be not just any other mirror (it's a gateway beyond your wildest dreams...and nightmares mwhahaha) and a lot of weird shit goes on as she continues her sexual activities. She even ends up talking like Linda Blair in the Exorcist, goes on psychotic rants, and has sex with a transexual, a ghost, and her dead father????! The explicit sex scenes are either extremely erotic or extremely disturbing, no in betweens...mostly disturbing though. In one scene there was a sick orgy with upper class Victorian snobs and in another scene there was a bathtub full of piss and shit with a bunch of naked nutcases around the place. I don't wanna mention more of the specific crazy happenings that the mirror leads to cause that spoils the cool mystery appeal the plot has. Lets just say the atmosphere and scenes remind me of a mix between "Salo" and "El Topo". Taboos like incest, child abuse, and rape (very violent rape scene here) are all present in this demented art/horror/drama/roughie too. I don't really like calling this a porno because the "porno" label really stigmatizes this with "mainstream/softcore" horror fans not open to explicit gritty sex in a film. Oh well, their loss if they don't want to see it just cause it has some porn elements. The hellish depiction of actual penetration and genitals really gives the movie a more creepy unsettling feel that other horror movies fail to achieve. If you like dark atmospheric horror that gets ridiculously sleazy and sadistic as if it were Alice in Wonderland written by Marquise De Sade himself, you need this movie now! Porn legends Jamie Gillis and Terri Hall (RIP) are here too.

Naked Lunch (1991)

The movie started off good. Everything was simple, Peter Weller was some exteriminator and his wife was a junkie on bug powder. Gradually the movie snowballed into a shitload of details that got confusing and then eventually too boring to bother following. I sat through the whole thing and felt 2 hours was way too long for a movie based on not much. The story was a mess. I didn't know what the fuck was going on after 30 minutes of the non-stop talking about umm I dunno. There was something about being an agent and typing reports....also something about being homosexual. The movie does have some interesting surreal moments though with the creature typewriters (organisms fused with mechanisms is a signature of director Cronenburg's work). Pretty much, the only scenes I enjoyed were the ones with the Star Wars looking aliens and that one scene with the creature dry humping stuff. This movie was based on a book I never read before so there probably were some hidden meanings or metaphors that went over my head, although I did read somewhere before that this movie was based more on the author's real life and his drug usage that gave him hallucinations. Apparently the author writes in an unstructured way too so that explains the lack of anything to pay attention to in the movie. I'm a Cronenburg fan, not my favorite film of his even though his other fans love this the most. Hell, I even liked "History of Violence" more, a very unpopular thing to say around hardcore Cronenburg fans. "Videodrome" had a more interesting concept and "Brood" was a solid story, "Naked Lunch" just left me frustrated to try to get into. Good thing I only rented this from netflix, Criterion DVDs are too damn expensive.

The Impossible Kid (1982)

What's not to love? It's Weng Weng and his crazy antics. We see him do some karate asskicking, hit people with a stick 5X taller than him, ride a mini motorcycle, kiss women that find him irresistable, and do jump flips in this one. This is just about as good as Weng Weng's other movie "For Yu'r Height Only". I forget what the story was here, his movies aren't really known for their profound coherent stories you know. There was something about a ransom and the bad guy wore a KKK mask. I think this one was called "Impossible Kid" cause they had those self destructing tapes. "Mission Impossible" (the TV show, not the gay movie) had those tapes that exploded after watching them right? Not much else to say about this movie, you won't be dissapointed if you were looking forward to Weng Weng doing goddamn amazing things and beating up bad guys. That's pretty much the entire movie. Anything that guy does is simply brilliance. He could be playing pogs or just be brushing his teeth and it would still look awesome. What a great guy Weng Weng was. As far as I know, the easiest and only non-bootleg way to get this movie is to buy this "50 Movie Pack Martial Arts" DVD Collection that costs about $15 usually. It's worth every penny. I love the way they dubbed Weng Weng's voice, it so doesn't match him!! After you watch this you'll want it ASAP.

The Devil Inside Her (1977)

I knew this movie would rule as soon as I saw the poster. Weird sleazy satanic porn written, directed, and starring Zebedy Colt (the psycho in Sex Wish), that guy is awesome, I consider him a porn legend. He plays an abusive bible-thumping asshole that forbids his daughters from anything sexual. Somehow one of his daughers awakens the Devil out of jealousy of her sister's lover and evil shit ensues. The devil is such a sick bastard that he'll transform into a family member before raping someone, I guess that counts as incest, eww. The sex scenes have an unholy soundtrack giving the film even more of a sinister feel. Things get over-the-top in the orgy scene that involved rough gangbangs, a golden shower, and everything having a red tint. I should mention that the devil looks like a KISS reject wtih balls made of rubber. For some reason, the devil has a stretchy scrotum. It made me cringe when he kept pulling on his balls as he was jerking off. I thought the guy's skin was going to rip.

Anyways, there's a lot more weridness and sleaze in this movie, plus the story and characters are pretty solid, see it for yourself and go get a copy from cduniverse since buying straight from Alpha Blue Archives is ridiculous.

Hardgore (1974)

A movie about a nympho going in a hospital where strange sadistic stuff happens, which leads to some nonsensical killing and non-stop sex. Not as gory as the name would lead you to believe. Essentially it's just a porno, a really sloppy depraved porno with necrophilia and rape (although the ideas are more depraved than the actual execution). One guy bangs a chick while she's in a guillotine and blows his load for an ultimate orgasm as soon as she gets decapitated. Another scene involved a guy's dick getting ripped off. Like I said though, what you see is depraved only when you think about how fucked-up an idea it was, but when you actually see these scenes, it's pretty damn tame. It looks like HG Lewis gore but the camera is too shy to show it. The porno aspect ends up being like 98% of the movie. It's really weird and surreal porno though (surreal in a trashy cheeze way, not in a avant-garde art cinema way). There's an orgy with some guy in a devil mask going bonkers, I think he's like a leader of the secret satanic cult going on in the hospital or something. There was also a revolving sex scene where a guy and chick were in a room that kept spinning as they screwed each other. Just thinking about it makes me dizzy. All the sex scenes feel like they take forever (because they actually do take forever), they're not that hot, and they're actually boring as hell. I forgive the shortcummings of this film just because of a talking dildo and the guillotine fuck scene. Man, that scene is funny. Sure the decapitation didn't involve gushing gore, but the idea is just so over-the-top and twisted that it's comedy gold. I appreciate this movie for the weirdness and nasty ideas than the actual gore or porn. Alpha Blue Archives released this on DVD but I wouldn't spend $25 plus $7 shipping on it.

Café Flesh (1982)

"Cafe Flesh" is a very unique film and an even stranger experience. It's a porno that's shot like a fancy arthouse film but starts off with a post-apocalyptic premise that sounds like something from a cheezy sci-fi flick. The movie takes place after WWIII. After a "Nuclear Kiss", majority of the world was left "Sex Negative", meaning they'd get sick if they ever tried to touch anyone sexually. A small minority of the world was left "Sex Positive" though, meaning they could fuck with no problem. The government enforces this microscopic minority into a life of performing sex on a stage so that the "Sex Negatives" can live vicariously through them basically. It looks like a silly mindless b-movie story but it does pave the way for deep concepts to be explored such as love, governing systems, jealousy, and identity. Of course the story also makes it convenient for hardcore sex scenes to arise and that they do. They're so weird with the 80's space rock soundtrack and imaginative costmes and sets, you'll find yourself hypnotized by the bizzare visuals and sounds. There was a sex scene with a guy in a rat costume and some dudes dressed up as babies in the background. And then there was one sex scene where a guy had a huge pencil for a head. It's like someone's crazy dream come to life. The cinemtography was gorgeous, every frame of the film looked like a top-notch surreal painting that should be in a prestigious gallery. Real "high art" type atmosphere. It's an awesome film for the weirdness mostly but still my favorite thing about the entire movie was Pia Snow aka Michelle Bauer who would later become a "scream queen" thanks to movies likes "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers". She goes 69 with a chick right before getting banged by some dork with sunglasses. Damn, she was seriously the hottest woman that ever graced this earth. If my penis had a time machine, it would want to be transported anywhere into a young Michelle Bauer.

If you're interested in a DVD of this, the Adult section of cduniverse should have it for $16. Interesting trivia: The guy that wrote this movie has also written for ALF, CSI, Bad Boys II, and his autobiography became a Ben Stiller movie. Strange knowing a guy that wrote episodes of Alf and CSI started out writing a sci-fi porn/art b-movie....although this movie can easily pass as just a sci-fi art b-movie if you cut out the penetration scenes. I believe this movie did get trimmed into a softcore flick and was played at mainstream theaters before. Don't bother with a softcore version, seeing sex actually happen gives the movie a better feel, after all, it's what the movie centers around in the first place, why not see sex in its truest uncensored form?

Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend (1992)

This is like one of my favorite comedies now! Damn, the guy in this movie is PATHETIC and unbelievably ridiculous...yet so real. It's so SAD it's FUNNY. My favorite thing about the movie is the soundtrack, it's like classic 80's rock with long mellow solos. The other thing I dig is the cheezy acting and memorable dialogue. There's a scene in the movie where the guy looks into the mirror and says he wants to stop "yanking his dick" in his dull but comical voice. No plot to this movie really, it just gives an intimate glimpse of a day in the life of one sad lonely security guard that constantly gives us insight into his mundane observations and thoughts about sex. Any little thing, from tv commercials to his diet, he will contemplate until he comes to the conclusion that he's a depressing loser sick with a sex obsession. Bible propaganda someone slides into his door about porn being a sin and hallucinations of his father calling him a loser adds more insult to his existence. He literally most of his life eats beef jerky while wearing nothing but underwear and watching cable porn (cable porn that just consists of "butter" face chicks stripping for what feels like forever!). Whenever he's in public he'll be a voyeur, which pisses people off and makes him look up the definition of "Insanity" cause he's starting to have all the symptomns of a serial killer. Eventually he goes on to more interactive things like phone sex and then hookers, which he blows all his money on. The way he tries to haggle for lower prices with hookers as if he were in a flea market is noteworthy. He keeps up this sad, money-draining, STD infested, lifestyle until the end where he hits rock bottom. This guy is such a cheap dork that he records his fuck adventures with hookers on both a hidden tape recorder and a camcorder so he can keep re-living the experience again. I'd actually do the same if I ever wasted money on a hooker, gotta get the money's worth. Great comedy, even has its weird moments, like a chick in a movie having sex with a brain-in-a-vat. It's a super simple movie with not that much story. I could see people getting bored and then finding it pointless, but if you're a great cheeze appreciator, you'll find yourself fascinated and wondering how much more pathetic this loser's lifestyle (who ALL men can relate to at some degree) can get to the very end. This guy is like Al Bundy if Al Bundy never got married and lived alone.

Unlucky Monkey (1998)

Why isn't director Sabu more well known? Every movie of his I've seen is "Top 10 favorite movies of all time" worthy for me. The most popular thing he's ever done was an acting part in "Ichi the Killer". That's a shame because "Unlucky Monkey" is a way better movie on so many levels! For those of you unfamiliar with him, Sabu's films mix dark humor, fucked-up drama, ironic situtations, philosophy, and some bloody action/violence. Also his stories are not linear, as in it doesn't follow the "plot A to plot B, the end" formula. Rather, the entire movie starts with a character who's one action triggers a continous unpredictable chain reaction that eventually snowballs into an over-the-top strange moment. In the case of "Unlucky Monkey", this chain reaction starts off with a bank robbery. Only 1 of the 3 robbers survives and gets away with the crime. This one survivor accidentally kills some chick though as he ran like hell with a knife in hand. He never got caught for the murder either but his guilt gets the best of him, giving him depressing psychological turmoil as he tries to rationalize the whole ordeal. Somehow his path crosses with some yakuzas that were in some pretty deep shit. You have to discover the ironic twists of fate and how these characters coincide with one another on your own because all the fun is in seeing the unpredictable mess of a life these guys have unfold and crash. Sure there is a decent amount of bleeding throughout the film thanks to gun violence, even a guy's crotch get shot, but don't bother watching this movie if you're looking for a non-stop gunfest. A large percentage of this movie's strength is from the philosophy explored in a very natural way that anyone alive can relate to, not just some pretentious scholar asshole. If you haven't seen a Sabu film yet, this ones a good one to start off with. Also the ending in this film is so weird and amazing, I promise you will have not seen it coming, must be seen to be believed!

The Sinful Dwarf (1973)

A filthy sexploitation film with an evil dwarf that talks funny and still plays with toys, a drug dealer called Santa that hides drugs in teddy bears, and a mouth-watering hot blonde wearing nothing at all...WOW, this is brilliance! The opening credits with a strange avant-garde score playing while all kinds of toys move across the screen is a wild experience alone! Besides the credits, the story alone is absurd. A married couple rent a room at a house. Little do they know that the landlords (a mother and her dwarf son) have a secret room with kidnapped women held captive and injected with heroin supplied by "Santa Clause". Basically this mother and son team are pimp masters that keep their hoes weak and addicted to drugs, rendering them into hopeless junkies. Anyways, the room these chicks are locked in serves as a whorehouse where people are free to fuck any chick in there when they pay the entrance fee to the dwarf. (there's only one customer in the entire movie though, what a booming business haha). The sadistic mother/son pimp team decide to make one of their new tenants (the super hot blonde wife) "merchandise" for their illegal business. Yep, as you can tell, this is one sleazy fucked-up movie. There's quite a number of lenghty sex scenes, especially with the customer guy and the junkie chicks. Nothing hardcore/pornographic but they're pretty damn funny. This customer guy humps this one girl like mad. I'm not sure if it even counts as rape. The women looked like they didn't want sex but had to comply. Either way, it's so politically incorrect and misogynistic that it becomes as funny as Anal Cunt lyrics. Keep in mind, "Sinful Dwarf" isn't a very gory/violent film. The harshest scene is when one woman gets fucked with a cane by the dwarf, although what goes on is left to the imagination. If you find humor in the outrageous sleaze and mistreatment of women in movies like "Pink Flamingos" and "Bloodsucking Freaks," you NEED this! I kept thinking of those two movies as I watched this thing. Even if you don't like those movies, you might find yourself intrigued by the sinister facial expressions and mean antics of that evil dwarf fucker. I love that guy! What he lacks in height, he makes up for in sleaze and hilarity.

There are rare VHS and Japanese DVD's of this that are pretty damn expensive. But don't worry, Something Weird puts this out on DVD-R, go get it from them!

They Eat Scum (1979)

A weird Super-8 movie that was responsible for a whole "Transgressive Art" movement. The director, Nick Zedd, even coined the term "cinema of transgression". From my understanding "Transgressive Art" is art that's shocking, taboo-breaking, and anti-conformist. Pretty much it's the kinda shit that fascinates me! There sure are a lot of wild things in this flick that would be sure to piss off conservative yuppie tastes. The movie is about this Swastika-wearin' punk chick (Suzi Putrid) in a "deathrock" band ("deathrock", another term the director invented). She has a transvestite dog-fucking brother and a mean bible-thumping father that thinks Jesus is the best thing ever. The family's crazy antics make up the first couple of minutes and doesn't resemble a linear plot to follow. I don't even know if it was intentional but parts of the movie were sped-up, making the actors sound like chipmunks. Things get a bit more coherent (although still messy!) when at CBGB's (an infamous venue) Suzi's band plays their pissed-off music (the movie inserts live shows as if you were watching actual concert footage) and then orders the crowd to go out and kill people. She preached about hatred and cannibalism because they were the main goals in life. The funniest part in speech is when she says guys should cut off their dicks and girls sew their cunts (later we do see a sewn cunt!) so they could concentrate more on random acts of violence instead of sex ("fucking is for animals" she contends). Some absurd stuff from then on happens like a chick getting her boob skin sawed off, the chick's whole body getting eaten in gory detail, a guy who for some reason lays down in the road to get run over, and a flashback of a sick-incest rapist uncle in a dress. The movie operates on messy ridiculous b-movie logic with "Suzi" (or is it?) becoming the queen of Necropolis after starting a Nuclear holocaust.

This nuclear holocaust and her being a ruler of the land later leads to a mutant revolt...a DISCO mutant revolt. It involved guys in cheap monster costumes fighting bar room brawl style to the music of the Village People! One monster is a gigantic cock roach and we later see some Roach-Gore when he's smashed in an elevator! Cannibalism, incest, bestiality (a dog whorehouse?!), rape, nazi flags, blasphemy, castration, and violence....this movie clearly wanted to push the limits of bad taste. I would say this movie is what would happen if a sleazy bohemian set out to combine the "Fuck You and your society" scumbag punk mentality with a campy b-movie, complete with overacting, zany dialogue, and ridiculous special f/x (there's even some toy animation and a "turntable of death"!). I kept thinking to myself that this was like Pink Flamingos meets GG Allin. It comes to no surprise that I later found out the director actually did know John Waters and GG Allin. A true underground piece of punk trash art that has all the elements of being a notorious cult movie. I'm not sure why this thing isn't on DVD yet and I had to see this on what looks like a bootleg of a bootleg of a bootleg of a bootleg! The director is pretty legendary, even Quentin Tarantino made reference to him in Pulp Fiction, so there definitley is a potential bigger following this movie could have if it was more known.

Black Magic aka Ratu ilmu hitam (1979)

This one's an awesome tale of black magic (obviously) and revenge, resulting in bizzare deaths and strange happenings. The story is simple: A girl falls in love with a guy that takes her virginity. Later this guy leaves her for some other woman. When this guy and the other woman have a wedding, the bride is driven to insanity by hallucinations and some food becomes maggot infested. It could only mean one thing, "BLACK MAGIC!". The guy suspects it's that one girl he deflowered so him and some other guys throw her down a cliff. Luckily the girl is saved by a creepy old man. She tells this old man about how she was unjustly accused of black magic so the creepy dude tells her to get revenge by actually doing black magic. Yeah that makes perfect sense, if you get punished for something you never did, you might as well do what you were accused of cause you already just paid for it, hah! She then learns the evil magic ways which the creepy guy is the master of. Doing jump flips in front of a full moon while naked and having blood poured on your head is apparently how you learn black magic. From then on, REVENGE through black magic ensues, resulting in ridiculous GORE. We see one guy's skin expand like a balloon and explode blood and another guy's head becomes so painful that he rips it off...and then his head starts flying and bites one guy. The gore scenes are not frequent but you could still enjoy this movie if you get into the whole superstitious remote village atmosphere and appreciate this tale about deception, revenge, power, and jealousy that progresses. When some lame religious nut from the city comes into the story, that's when the girl goes soft and black magic gets weaker because religious nut encourages everyone in the village to keep praying (in the movie, "prayer" to "black magic" is like "water" to "fire") . The movie doesn't end there though because the creepy black magic master still encourages revenge and for black magic to stay alive. Revenge is all that guy ever talked about. He'd say intense stuff like "pay life with life and death with death!" He ruled! Eventually the movie ends with one hell of a death! Lets just say it involves a human body exploding a bunch of times in different spots (yep, even near the groin). Try and seek this movie out if you love obscure weird stuff that has wild special f/x beyond your imaginations.

I got a dubbed english DVD-R version. I think the DVD-R was either a copy of a rare VHS or VCD, either way it's just way cheaper and easier to just go on ebay and search for the DVD-R. Hopefully ebay doesn't shut down the guy that sold it to me, latley ebay has been shutting down every bootlegger they can. Thanks to yours truly though, you can behold some great gore scenes I uploaded on youtube, check it out here.

The Black Klansman (1966)

A Black Klansman!? What the fuck, what next, an obese anorexic, walking crippled, blind seeing-eye dog, meat-eating vegans, Homosexual Jew Nazis? It's like the inspiration for this movie happened when some kids were coming up with the most ridiculous oxymorons they could think of. The concept and title alone are pretty damn weird and automatically deserves to be in my personal "obscure insane wtf shit" collection, so you know I just had to hunt this down for the novelty value (and so I could tell annoying Dave Chapelle fans that a Black Klansman was done before Chapelle Show!). You don't really see a black Klansman though which the cover depicts. Instead a "black"/white guy who's daughter gets burned alive by the Klan wants revenge (who wouldn't?). This revenge involves him changing his identity by putting on a straight-hair wig and shaving his chin so he could pass off as a white guy and go undercover in the KKK to destory them from the inside...what's funny though is this guy could have passed off as white even without the "drastic" makeover. This makeover was as dramatic as Clark Kent changing into Superman (yeah really, glasses and a suit makes Superman a totally different person). Anyways he also dates the head Klansman's daughter to add insult to injury, that's pretty much the plot and shit that's hilarious because of how utterly unconvincing it is happens (the race transformation by a wig alone, you gotta be fucking kidding me haha, I still laugh just thinking about it). "Black Klansman" is a really obscure early exploitation film that should appeal to old school b&w b-movie fans that like tacky unintentionally funny cheeze movies. It exploits politically incorrect racial tensions, corruption, and has comical white supremacists that think Civil Rights are bad because there was nothing about them in the bible. A company called Blax (who specialize in Blaxploitations I guess) put this thing out on DVD and ebay is the only place I've found it. If you're like me, amused by crazy ideas actually being attempted on film, you might want it..just don't expect tons of sleaze and violence like all the other movies I usually view.

Chinese Torture Chamber Story (1994)

This movie does weird, totally original things with sex. There's a scene with high flying martial artists fucking. They fuck like mad in mid-air and do tons of hyper-humping, it's like how Goku from Dragonball Z would nail a chick with a crotch strong enough to withstand massive repeated thrusting! There were even some "Street Fighter-like" special moves in the fucking like the spinning on the cock while the cock was in the chick or the super ejaculation blast that drenches the place with semen. This insane sex scene wasn't what the movie revolved around though, it was something just inserted into the movie somehow. The main story is about a girl and her love interest getting framed for murdering the girl's husband (who has a HUGE dick that could kill anything he fucks). This husband is killed by getting an aphrodisiac overdose which makes his penis explode and spray a shitstorm of blood. The story is actually interesting and there's more details to the messed-up love story and corruption that you just need to see for yourself. Anyways, as the title suggests, there's torture here because apparently court rooms back in the ancient times this film was set would employ barbaric methods to get someone to confess to a crime or to just simply execute them. Getting fingernails torn off, kneeling on broken plates, boob squishing, getting fucked by a wooden donkey, castration, and fingers being squeezed by an ingenious invention are some of the torture and execution methods we get a glimpse of. The movie is more of a sleazfests than gorefest though with strong sexual humor, an invisible rape that goes hilariously wrong, numerous boobs, and even a lesbian scene. Overall, a classic essential CAT III delivering the sleaze and violence. The insane high flying fuck is worth owning this movie alone!

Abby (1970)

A black exorcist with 70’s sleaze and sex. Some funny looking demon possesses some woman and later makes her become an evil whore that wants to get fucked and treats her friends and family like shit, which is the opposite of who she is. Best scene is a mighty hard kick right square on her poor husband’s balls. You can feel the guy’s pain as the foot and testicles make contact. And the voice is fucking insane on the possessed chick. Actually a lot of this movie is insane. Love the goofy special effects and the way Abby goes from innocent to fucked-up is priceless. This is like my favorite blaxploitation film, they even got Blacula to be the Exorcist. It’s a damn shame the stupid corporate suits at Warner Brothers sabotaged the distribution and release of this movie cause they wanted to monopolize the “exorcism” genre and crushed all other movies about possession. Now I have to settle for a cheap bad quality DVD release while stupid shit like Darkness Falls gets better treatment. Poor Abby.

Schramm (1993)

A very unique film that takes an artistic experimental/weird approach at illustrating the fucked-up and depraved world of a serial killer. High brow, fancy cinematic techniques are employed to showcase something so low brow like extreme (and I mean EXTREME) gore and cold blooded murder. The scene where the guy nails his penis foreskin looked pretty damn painful. And there is a gross-out severed leg here in gory detail. Very shocking imagery as you can tell. Storywise the movie is simple (dying perveted serial killer that has weird hallucinations like a vagina with teeth and dentists that rip his eyeball out) but the movie tells the story unconventionally through abstract flashbacks as he is dead in a pool of paint and his own blood, which may confuse a viewer expecting a linear story. The movie doesn't even use that much dialogue. Through silence, natural sounds, and an ambient soundtrack, you get the raw and depressing mood the director was going for. Sleaze, Gore, Weirdness, and High-Art make this a personal fav of mines. The Barrel DVD has been recently easier to find now so get it before it's out of print again. From the German director of the infamous Nekromantik by the way.

Bread and Circus (2003)

This movie plays out a lot like Bad Taste. It takes place mostly in grassy fields where people are running around killing each other until someone is left bloody and butchered. The gore, like Bad Taste, is exaggerated, gross, over-the-top, and comical so it truly does earn the title as the "Norwegian Bad Taste". One guy gets sliced in half with a sword and his guts spill out so this one guy can find his keys that were eaten. There are other sliced humans where you can see all their red gooey insides. Heads are left wide open so blood and mushy gore can gush. This other dude drop kicks some guy onto a tree branch so he can get impaled and his cartoon-ish heart pops out. Another guy gets kicked in the ass while taking a shit. When his ass bleeds, he sticks a beer bottle up his ass (you see it get painfully shoved up) to stop the bleeding. Suddenly he gets thirsty again and shits the bottle out to drink. Hell there’s even an alien in this movie and it involved a space-ship that cums into mother (literally “mother”) earth’s vagina (a vagina that people pop out of in the movie), it adds to the surreal weridness of it all. But unlike Bad Taste, Bread and Circus tackles deeps concepts such as identity and freedom. Apparently life moves like an assembly line in the movie. Mother earth plops you out and then you’re just left to fill some cookie-cutter standard of living where you walk across a path with arrows, have a brief case handcuffed to you, work for people richer than you, and then roll over dead one day in a world that was run by a corrupt king that employs a gun crazy force to keep you in track. People who are deemed undesirable for society are left in the woods where cannibalism takes place. One guy who lived this boring life wrote some radical, ten commandment-like shit, on some stone tablets. Years later a couple reads these words of wisdom and are inspired to start a violent revolution to break free from the king's power and society's limiting norms. They find a fuckload of weapons and start killing tons of people in the "system" including the unjust king and even one guy that looks like Eminem! The kill spree goes on for a long time until the end.

This movie could be enjoyed on two levels: as a mindless splatterfest or a mindful splatterfest. Depends if you can pick up the subtle metaphors and make sense of the scenes that seem like random weirdness to casual viewers. An impressive film for such a low budget with a small cast. Plus it was made in 2003, good to see a really werid and creative gross-out gore film come from that awful year.

Wolf-Devil Woman (1982)

Bizzare movie mongers, take note of Wolf-Devil Woman because this is one hell of a movie! A village is ruled by a guy called the Devil (a guy with a golden KKK outfit) who has the power to freeze people's blood. Apparently he wants everyone to submit to him or else they die. Some chick that shoots colored smoke, a bunch of ninjas that can teleport, and voodoo doll controlled zombies are his army. One couple tries to escape his empire in the snow with their baby but can't go on any longer so they cut themselves to keep the baby warm with their blood. Things get weirder when they start head-butting the snow so an avalanche can bury the kid and keep her safe. Over time the baby is raised by wolves and the wolves feed her rare ginseng that, when eaten, can keep people immune to the Devil's blood freezing power. Two guys discover her when they tried to find that ginseng too and later they teach her how to speak, which is IMPOSSIBLE to do with feral children in real life, I know this from being a psych student. It's also impossible for a chick raised in the wilderness to have make-up and look like Asia Carrera at her hottest (seriously this wolf chick is hot, no nudity though). From then on it's Wolf Woman doing stuff stupid according to civilization (like getting drunk) and then later she has to get revenge on the Devil and end his empire, resulting in major asskicking.

There's a lot of energy jam packed in the whole mix where sudden bursts of actions impact your senses hard. In the first couple minutes of the movie alone you already see some kinda strange crucifixion with odd lights and sounds at a thunder striking pace. All the super-hyper cuts when crazy shit happens made me feel woozy, like I was tripping on acid and got my face slammed while doing my imitation of how a tornado moves. There's a fun 70's oriental orchestra score too and a lot of sound effects and scenes that look like something from that show, the Six Million Dollar Man. The martial arts battles are violent, with bleeding scratches, blood sprays, and the occassional ripped limbs or decapitation. Overall, insane goofy cutting, cool fights, cheezy characters, fun soundtrack, laughable f/x (cartoon flames?!), and a ridiculous non-sensical b-movie story makes this a true winner with weird cinema freaks like me. I think there's a hard to find VCD, but I got a bootleg from weirdworldcinema.com instead.

Boarding House aka Housegeist (1981)

Everything about it is awfully shitty. And there in lies its beauty. This was one of the early Shot-on-Video horror movies and it’s amazing in its amateurish nonsensical failures. The winning elements are a random pie fight, a wealth of tits and ass, tacky schlock gore with some guts, primitive computer text with a laughable sound as each sentence is typed, weird telepathic meditations, and a spectacular ending that just drips with cheese every second cause it involves that telepathy thing to fight a ghost with nice tits. Story involves a haunted house now inhabited by some ultra-sleazeball that does weird meditations and only wants a couple top-notch chicks as roommates in the house. Some stupid stuff happens throughout the movie (a rape flashback where everyone still had their clothes on) then all of a sudden later in the video they’re ready to have a party (which will take part in the end where all hell breaks loose of course).

Headless Eyes (1971)

What if Driller Killer was directed, written, produced, and even edited by Ed Wood? You’d get a comical disaster like Headless Eyes! This is an art-house film gone wrong on every level. You got horrible goofy cuts and sound, cheesy 70’s music, actors surprisingly keeping a straight face when any other human would explode in laughter, and a wacky b-movie premise that takes itself too seriously as if it was meant to be a legit drama. What happens is a down-on-his-luck artist gets his eyeball poked out by a spoon when he broke into some chick’s house to steal money for rent. When his eye gets ripped out, the same sound clip of the guy crying “ah! My eye!” is looped as he squirms on the ground in pain looking like an idiot while bystanders look on like idiots too. Since then, our protagonist has been an antisocial asshole-type starving artist, obsessed with eyeball-themed art, which requires him to stalk and kill random people and take you know what. Of course the story isn’t complete without the cop determined to find out who the killer is behind these ghastly murders and one dumb girl that befriends this bohemian serial killer. There’s a scene where some ugly old crazy lady just sits and laughs menacingly as she repeatedly says, “I know who did it, I know who did it”. She never does specify who she knew did what though but this still freaks out our psycho artist of course and we see him flee the scene with an oddball 70’s soundtrack. Overall, this movie is worth getting on VHS (no DVD yet) if you know how to appreciate the absurd brilliance in cheese flicks. Not really that gory though and the picture of “eyeless heads” on the box’s back is nowhere in the movie. There are a couple removed eyeballs covered in blood, they look so tacky and plastic, that’s about it for the gore.

If you want it, Screamtorium DVD probably has some good looking DVD copies left.

Blood Beat (1985)

Well after all these years, I finally got a copy of Bloodbeat in my hands..and it's probably the cheeziest thing I've ever owned! It really had a Don Dohler (Nightbeast, Alien Factor) feel with the bad 80's lazer effects all over the place and 80's b-movie sound effects (they sound like Atari). The samurai ghost slasher was surrounded by blue light rays and people would shoot telepahtic lazer beams or whatever at it. You have to see this to believe it. The "telepathic lazer" battle reminds of Boarding House but the way the people move and the look on their faces is even more insane! It looked like they were pissed off while having a siezure, hah, is that even possible? Gore level is dissapointing but the Samurai breathing like Darth Vader and talking like a lamb makes up for it. The best part of the movie is when everything in a kitchen starts shaking then flies at this one guy, he gets attacked by a packet of Ramen noodles hahaha. A super awesome cheesefest. What makes it even better is you can tell this was a serious effort to make a creepy supernatural flick but the retarded everything overpowers any legitimacy! Good luck tyring to find a VHS copy (the only real release it has and always will have cause no company will put this out haha), if you really wanna see it my buddy at Screamtorium DVD makes cool DVD-R copies of it, check with him.