Hardgore (1974)

A movie about a nympho going in a hospital where strange sadistic stuff happens, which leads to some nonsensical killing and non-stop sex. Not as gory as the name would lead you to believe. Essentially it's just a porno, a really sloppy depraved porno with necrophilia and rape (although the ideas are more depraved than the actual execution). One guy bangs a chick while she's in a guillotine and blows his load for an ultimate orgasm as soon as she gets decapitated. Another scene involved a guy's dick getting ripped off. Like I said though, what you see is depraved only when you think about how fucked-up an idea it was, but when you actually see these scenes, it's pretty damn tame. It looks like HG Lewis gore but the camera is too shy to show it. The porno aspect ends up being like 98% of the movie. It's really weird and surreal porno though (surreal in a trashy cheeze way, not in a avant-garde art cinema way). There's an orgy with some guy in a devil mask going bonkers, I think he's like a leader of the secret satanic cult going on in the hospital or something. There was also a revolving sex scene where a guy and chick were in a room that kept spinning as they screwed each other. Just thinking about it makes me dizzy. All the sex scenes feel like they take forever (because they actually do take forever), they're not that hot, and they're actually boring as hell. I forgive the shortcummings of this film just because of a talking dildo and the guillotine fuck scene. Man, that scene is funny. Sure the decapitation didn't involve gushing gore, but the idea is just so over-the-top and twisted that it's comedy gold. I appreciate this movie for the weirdness and nasty ideas than the actual gore or porn. Alpha Blue Archives released this on DVD but I wouldn't spend $25 plus $7 shipping on it.

Women on the Run (1993)

This has the best kung-fu and action sequences you'll ever see in a CAT III. Very impressive swift movements and fancy strikes, especially when the one chick starts swinging a pole and kicks some ass with it. It's actually more of a buddy/road/thriller than an over-the-top sleazefest, which CAT III's usually are. The sleaze is still here though when you have a story about a kung-fu champion woman's life turned to shit when her boyfriend pimps her out and turns her into a junkie hooker. One day she got pissed off when a "customer" took a piss in her kung-fu trophy so she beats the hell out of the guy (she was naked as she did these awesome kicks). Later she ends up killing her pimp boyfriend and from then on she's been on the run as a hooker always trying to avoid the cops so she could get more drug money. Eventually she gets caught by a female cop (who too knows kung-fu) and then later they manage to become buddies on the run together out for revenge at a guy that fucked them both over real bad. There are 2 scenes that I remember being sadistic. This one scene had a dog (obviously fake) kicked like a football. And then there's a brutal and depressing rape scene when the two women are left naked in the rain as a shitload of horny drunk sailors try to have their way with them. Some naked kung-fu ensued there but it wasn't campy like the first naked kung-fu scene. This movie had a feminist tone by the way so I wouldn't say the movie went out to degrade women for pure exploitation. Overall, I thought this movie was cool, not as dark and mean-spirited as most CAT III's but not as light and easy as a buddy or action movie.

Café Flesh (1982)

"Cafe Flesh" is a very unique film and an even stranger experience. It's a porno that's shot like a fancy arthouse film but starts off with a post-apocalyptic premise that sounds like something from a cheezy sci-fi flick. The movie takes place after WWIII. After a "Nuclear Kiss", majority of the world was left "Sex Negative", meaning they'd get sick if they ever tried to touch anyone sexually. A small minority of the world was left "Sex Positive" though, meaning they could fuck with no problem. The government enforces this microscopic minority into a life of performing sex on a stage so that the "Sex Negatives" can live vicariously through them basically. It looks like a silly mindless b-movie story but it does pave the way for deep concepts to be explored such as love, governing systems, jealousy, and identity. Of course the story also makes it convenient for hardcore sex scenes to arise and that they do. They're so weird with the 80's space rock soundtrack and imaginative costmes and sets, you'll find yourself hypnotized by the bizzare visuals and sounds. There was a sex scene with a guy in a rat costume and some dudes dressed up as babies in the background. And then there was one sex scene where a guy had a huge pencil for a head. It's like someone's crazy dream come to life. The cinemtography was gorgeous, every frame of the film looked like a top-notch surreal painting that should be in a prestigious gallery. Real "high art" type atmosphere. It's an awesome film for the weirdness mostly but still my favorite thing about the entire movie was Pia Snow aka Michelle Bauer who would later become a "scream queen" thanks to movies likes "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers". She goes 69 with a chick right before getting banged by some dork with sunglasses. Damn, she was seriously the hottest woman that ever graced this earth. If my penis had a time machine, it would want to be transported anywhere into a young Michelle Bauer.

If you're interested in a DVD of this, the Adult section of cduniverse should have it for $16. Interesting trivia: The guy that wrote this movie has also written for ALF, CSI, Bad Boys II, and his autobiography became a Ben Stiller movie. Strange knowing a guy that wrote episodes of Alf and CSI started out writing a sci-fi porn/art b-movie....although this movie can easily pass as just a sci-fi art b-movie if you cut out the penetration scenes. I believe this movie did get trimmed into a softcore flick and was played at mainstream theaters before. Don't bother with a softcore version, seeing sex actually happen gives the movie a better feel, after all, it's what the movie centers around in the first place, why not see sex in its truest uncensored form?

Robotrix (1991)

Here's a cool action sci-fi CAT III slapstick/comedy that shows a lot of T & A and has some darker sleaze moments but is still more on the humor side. The 3 main chick characters in the movie were hot but my crotch was mostly obsessed with the Asian Goddess Amy Yip. Amy Yip is the greatest thing about this movie (or Asia for that matter), nothing like seeing a tight little asian lady with mouth-watering heavy hooters! We don't get to see her nipples in this flick but damn, those boobs look delicious no matter what. The story begins with some Middle Eastern leader's son getting kidnapped for ransom by an evil scientist that transported his mind into an unstoppable robot body (he wore leather and acted like Arnold in Terminator). A chick cop is resurrected from the dead as a robot (just like Robocop) to help the police get this guy. Amy Yip (who's a robot too) also helps in the hunt for this guy. Not really an interesting plot but it allows the action (fights and explosions) and silly antics of the police to ensue, that's all that matters really. The sleaze in this movie is due to some violent rape scenes. Apparently the Terminator-like villain is a horn dog that kills hookers. He bangs one hooker to death (he NEVER goes limp cause he's a robot) and there was another rape scene in a science lab or whatever that was pretty rough. At one point of the movie the cops try to lure the bad guy by setting up Amy Yip as a hooker. Things backfire when the cops never did catch the bad guy but end up watching Amy Yip have sex with guys she kept attracting in her hooker set-up. This scene was pretty much a comical excuse to show Amy Yip undress and make everyone drool over her goods.

Sex Wish (1976)

My fav Hardcore Roughie because Zebedy Colt is the greatest psycho I have ever seen in any movie! In fact, he's more insane than Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs (personally I thought everything about Silence of the Lambs was overrated). Zebedy plays a serial killer/rapist that talks like a retarded kid one minute and then suddenly unleashes a powerful rage as he yells "It's all your fault!" for some unexplained crazy reason. Anyways the movie is about Harry Reems from "Deep Throat" and "Forced Entry" (VERY different character here), a mild-mannered guy who's life seems perfect until one day his lover gets raped and killed by Zebedy. She was raped with a vibrator while he jerked off on her....he also whipped her.....and then slit her thoat...rough shit eh? Harry was so depressed that later he's found in a bar drowning his sorrows. Two whores give him a free fuck to cheer him up and then later advise him to find and kill the bastard that killed his lover. I like how the whore dramatically tells Harry to do this right after giving him a blow job, what a weird pacing of mood. One minute a care-free threesome then suddenly a super serious moment as if the whore became a counselor instantly. Only in Porno does this kinda mood-shift exist! After the threesome Harry decides to buy a gun, searches for Zebedy, finally finds him after some leads...you know where this is going, the usual revenge formula, although the ending is kind of a nice sick twist! The most intense scene of the film was when Zebedy breaks into a black couples home and forces them to have sex with each other as he watches and points a gun at them. The dialogue is sleaze and insanity to the MAXXX here with Zebedy giving the performance of his life. He even manages to cry tears of joy, giving him an ultra deranged look. It's a very memorable scene that ends nasty. If you've seen it before, you know what I'm talking about, if not, you're in for a real shock. This movie gets hated on by politically correct people because of the brutal displays of rape. Lets get one thing clear here, just about all the sex are Harry's scenes and those are consensual. And also the movie doesn't make the rapes erotic at all. I don't think the movie wanted people to beat off to those scenes, you couldn't even really see the chick during them. They were meant to be disturbing so you can want Harry's character to have revenge even more.

Raw Force (1982)

Some evil guy that looks like Hitler has to feed Cannibal Monks hookers so they can have the power to make zombies on some island where he's doing some illegal shit. When a ship is on its way to this island, some kung-fu fighting with the zombies of course occurs because the people on the ship happen to know how to kick ass. Sounds like b-movie/exploitation/action heaven but I didn't find the movie over-the-top and wild enough to live up to its insane premise. A couple dashes of blood, a few gore-lite decapitations, and pretty standard action/fight scenes, nothing really mind-blowing but its decent enough to be worth a look for the cult movie geek that has to experience the most obscure titles out there. The story was super retarded, I forget what was going on most of the time cause the movie couldn't decide if it wanted to be a sitcom one minute or an action movie the next. I remember the movie became a party movie when eveyrone on the ship started to socialize. Eww, socializing is gay! But like I said, for you b-movie freaks, it's your duty to watch this just for the sake of encyclopedic knowledge in the world of obscure cinema.

Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend (1992)

This is like one of my favorite comedies now! Damn, the guy in this movie is PATHETIC and unbelievably ridiculous...yet so real. It's so SAD it's FUNNY. My favorite thing about the movie is the soundtrack, it's like classic 80's rock with long mellow solos. The other thing I dig is the cheezy acting and memorable dialogue. There's a scene in the movie where the guy looks into the mirror and says he wants to stop "yanking his dick" in his dull but comical voice. No plot to this movie really, it just gives an intimate glimpse of a day in the life of one sad lonely security guard that constantly gives us insight into his mundane observations and thoughts about sex. Any little thing, from tv commercials to his diet, he will contemplate until he comes to the conclusion that he's a depressing loser sick with a sex obsession. Bible propaganda someone slides into his door about porn being a sin and hallucinations of his father calling him a loser adds more insult to his existence. He literally most of his life eats beef jerky while wearing nothing but underwear and watching cable porn (cable porn that just consists of "butter" face chicks stripping for what feels like forever!). Whenever he's in public he'll be a voyeur, which pisses people off and makes him look up the definition of "Insanity" cause he's starting to have all the symptomns of a serial killer. Eventually he goes on to more interactive things like phone sex and then hookers, which he blows all his money on. The way he tries to haggle for lower prices with hookers as if he were in a flea market is noteworthy. He keeps up this sad, money-draining, STD infested, lifestyle until the end where he hits rock bottom. This guy is such a cheap dork that he records his fuck adventures with hookers on both a hidden tape recorder and a camcorder so he can keep re-living the experience again. I'd actually do the same if I ever wasted money on a hooker, gotta get the money's worth. Great comedy, even has its weird moments, like a chick in a movie having sex with a brain-in-a-vat. It's a super simple movie with not that much story. I could see people getting bored and then finding it pointless, but if you're a great cheeze appreciator, you'll find yourself fascinated and wondering how much more pathetic this loser's lifestyle (who ALL men can relate to at some degree) can get to the very end. This guy is like Al Bundy if Al Bundy never got married and lived alone.