Revenge of the Radioactive News Reporter (1990)

As soon as you see the box it looks like a Toxic Avenger rip-off. Well the make-up kinda screams that but overall this wasn’t as goopy and bloody as a Troma film. A very sappy love story with a few b-movie elements, reminds me of Darkman on a lower budget and cheese-stenched actors. Basically some reporter who knows too much about a greedy corporation’s toxic pollution is thrown into a pool of green water where the corporation thought he died. Little did they know he became a mutated freak! Now his mission is to stop the corporation from killing his girlfriend who too knows “too much”, re-connect with his girlfriend that thinks he’s dead, and last but not least, he needs uhh..revenge!…you see where this is going. Both intentional and unintentional humor (the satire on corporations was clever) and one detached head are a few highlights. It’s all right, I wouldn’t bother hunting it down though. No boring parts, mildly fun, kill a Saturday afternoon with it.

Rejuvenator (1988)

Healthy dose of gore, a cheesy all girl 80's band, and a neat story make this a worthy viewing. There are some great brain eating scenes, freaky mutations, and creature barf that oughta please fans of weird slimy f/x. The story is just about how some washed up old actress is funding a scientist's research on an anti-aging drug. When she gets impatient and uses the medication in its dangerous experimental phase, everything seems fine...at first. Her dreams have come true but later dreams become nightmare and all hell breaks loose! When she transforms to a creature, eating human brains is the only way to morph back to normal. It plays out like a Jekyl and Hyde movie. No DVD release yet and the bootlegs are more expensive than getting an original VHS, just get a tape for a couple bucks if you want it.

Rocktober Blood (1984)

Heavy metal themed horror movies don’t get any better than this. The soundtrack is the main highlight in the movie. It’s beyond EPIC! The singer decapitates a chick, rips the heart out of a chick, and rips some guts too as he sings “Killer on the Loose” live on stage in front of a dimwitted audience. “I’m Back,” and “Rainbow Eyes” are other killer songs performed on stage as unintentional hilarity ensues. I got to admit (as do other Rocktober Blood fans) that the movie does have some dreadfully slow parts in the middle. It consists of stretched out suspense. Normally that would shit a movie over for me but Rocktober Blood totally redeems itself and more with the awesome beginning and awesome ending. I can overlook that crappy middle because of the opening kills and ending kills (with music!). The story is about some rockstar (Billy) going crazy one day in the studio and killing people that happened to be there. He was later sentenced to the electric chair. Couple years later, the chick of the band continues the band and starts the Rocktober Blood tour. Strange things start happening though. The chick starts being haunted by Billy (but I thought he was dead, oh no!). Is this Billy a ghost? Is he only in her head? Is he even Billy? Find out yourself by sitting through a horrible movie just for the shocking conclusion, badass music, and sweet nacho-cheesy kills! You must find out what Rainbow Eyes is or you’re not my friend...no wonder I don’t have that many friends

Zipperface (1992)

I was intrigued by the name Zipperface. It's like Leatherface, only with a zipper. It was also an S&M slasher! The killer looked like a total freak motherfucker. I thought to myself that this could be a sleazy cheesegore geek's wetdream right? It was as if it was too good to be true..and it was. I ended up getting a tame pussy-whipped soap opera that could have easily been a made for TV movie on the Lifetime channel! I'm not even saying that to be funny, that's EXACTLY what it is like. Why the fuck was this movie even categorized as a horror movie? And the red lingerie the hot little lady was wearing on the cover was nowhere to be found in the entire movie. The assholes behind this atrocity should be sued for false advertisment. She gets a nude scene but only to make "love" to some gay ass artfag photographer. The entire movie takes itself too seriously as a mystery solving cop drama with the addition of some cliche love story. The killings were as weak as a glass of water watered down. I still do keep my copy of this ultra-light reject Soap Opera pilot so I could add it to my museum of stupidity. So far the museum has Surf Ninjas and 3 Ninjas. Both family-oriented movies being more violent and sadistic than this!!!

They Don’t Cut the Grass Anymore (1985)

I've never seen anything like it. The CHEEZIEST gore ever! And lots of it! It was way over the top. I couldn't believe someone would actually use cloth painted purple and soaked in fake blood as skin to peel off a skull...hell, I couldn't believe anyone would film a scene where a guy peels off skin until a skull is bone-dry to begin with...this happens on more than one occasion too! The gore scenes, besides being so stupid, were also pretty long. You got a guy ripping a dead body's skin like it was wet tissue and there's a ridiculous amount of red gooey stuff splattering everywhere for a pretty long time. We see the guy squishing all this gore between his fingers as time passes. You'll find yourself giggling at how extremely gratuitous all the gushy gore is. It's like the stretched out primitive gore scenes in Wizard of Gore but much worse in f/x quality. As for the story, it's about two psychotic gardeners that realize they hate society and go around killing people in hilarious fashions. Somehow there's social commentary and profound statements about the commercial culture of yuppies (this is best illustrated in the scene where one of the gardeners hacks at a trendy magazine with an axe). The messages aren't preachy though and are delivered in a subtle campy fashion, the way it should be. A heaping shitload of chopped limbs, ripped entrails, TONS of crazy cheap looking gore, and cynical yet comical dialogue is what you get in this movie. There is one girl that is relentlessly butchered. The one guy just doesn’t stop after sawing off her leg, ripping her stomach open, squishing EVERY INCH of her insides from almost head to toe. Damn, the woman’s boob was even a victim to this massive onslaught.

Diary of a Serial Killer (1995)

Wow, this is like a CAT III version of the classic sick flick Maniac (1980) but as depressing and mean-spirited as another classic Henry:Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986). The story is told from prison as flashbacks and it's about a lonley guy with a boring wife and a daughter. He's not content with his life and has some fucked up mental problems that make him a sleazeball into kinky bizzare shit. This guy goes around looking for hookers so he can kill them because he believes he's creating a new life for them. Apparently he hates women being hookers and wants them to reincarnate into a better life. Wanting them to stop being hookers doesn't stop him from indulging in sick pleasures before "sending them off to their next life" though. He'll have rough S&M sex, kill and torture them in brutal fashions (like sticking dynamite up the joytrail or burning it with an iron), and then he'll even cut off their boobs/vagina/skin to put on a manequin (just like in Maniac) or save a piece of their hair for his diary (hence the title "Diary of a Serial Killer"). It's not a gorefest as the story allows it to be, (it's a sleazefest) but you do get some decent blood splashing and see severed boobs turned to leather. There are scenes of necrophilia and cannibalism/blood drinking too so you can say this guy is like a Chinese Ed Gein. Sometimes he'll go on disturbing psychotic rants and play with his victims, so fans of insane killers should take note of this film. Overall, I wouldn't say this is pure shock exploitation (although you can easily enjoy it on that level) because there are profound statements made and a lot of emotion going on in the complicated relationship between the main character and his wife's hot relative that moves in his house.

Blue Laser sells the VCD (only official release of it that I know of), worth checking out if you like dirty sleaze and want to see what goes on in an insane person's head.

Seventh Curse (1986)

From the director of Story of Ricky, here's an 80's horror action/adventure/comedy gem filled with tons of crazy violent fights, cartoonish gore, and the greatest cheezy monster/ghost battle EVER! The story starts out when some guy tries to save this chick in a jungle from a bizzare sacrifice to a rotten skeleton zombie God. Because he interrupted this ritual, he gets a blood curse which makes his body suddenly burst blood like everyday (cool ain't it?). From then on him with the help of a badass warrior guy try to find the cure before he bleeds to death. He manages to get into some crazy shit like fighting kung-fu monks on top of a gigantic buddha statue (it's HUGE and even ends up bleeding blood like a waterfall from its eyes when they pull its eyes outs).

Because this is from the genius behind Story of Ricky, expect the comical gore and strange creatures. At one point in the movie, a tiny ghost creature that looks like part mutated fetus and part sperm battles that one skeleton zombie God that transforms into a big slimy flying monster that looks like an alien from Alien but beefier, the tranformation is mindblowing, I can't even put it in words so I just uploaded it to youtube here. This is simply the best monster battle I've ever seen. They fight until the ridiculously gory end when one of them gets ripped up into pieces literally. Things still end up getting gorier when Chow Yun Fat is armed with a bazooka and uses it...more than once! Chow Yun Fat used to be in some of the best Asian movies ever..now he does mainstream US gayness.

Other things worth mentioning is a chick cutting her boob to feed a guy a piece of it, that ghost creature bursting out of a guy's stomach (over here!), kids being crushed between huge stones so their blood can be used for rituals, a brutal booby trap that rips a guy in half in mid-air, and this one fat guy who's flesh starts falling off and then he rips open his stomach which spills a bunch of worms. There was also a great evil yet fun atmosphere cinematography-wise and there was a lot of skilled fight scenes, better kung fu than in Story of Ricky, although I still prefer Ricky, which is the goriest offering from Ngau Kai Lam. Well this movie is still simply brilliant anyways. I don't know if my copy was uncut though, I have the Universe Lazer DVD which was a pain in the ass to get cause it's OOP, the box said 81 minutes but the movie only played 77 minutes and that was even counting the credits. I've seen other reviews mention this flick as a CAT III before but my DVD said CAT II. IMDB lists it as a CAT II as well. I thought it was pretty damn gory for a CAT II film but if there's a CAT III uncut version out there (which I doubt but I'll look into), then goddamn I need that shit pronto!