Filthy McNasty (2002)

When you ask people what the worst movie of all time is, people usually give a knee-jerk answer, naming whatever is convenient to rip on for either its commerical or overrated nature. For example, I will see people call "Pulp Fiction" the worst movie of all time just out of spite of it being overrated by pretentious artfags that foolishly think Quentin Tarantino is original. I'll also see people call "Underworld" the worst movie of all time just out of spite of it being a commerical piece of shit with no soul. But still, there are far worse things that could be done with the movie medium. As lame as those movies are, they are not "THE WORST". I actually think people take for granted the budget those movies had, which at least created something not Filthy Mcnasty. Seriously, these people clearly have not seen FILTHY MCNASTY, an abomination directed by the antichrist of movies known as Chris Seaver. He's to movies what Hitler was to Jews. Basically Filthy McNasty is a bunch of idiots standing outside their dorm and acting RETARDED. It's sad they think they're funny. "LOL, look at us, we're being conscious of our own camp value while saying stupid boring nonsensical shit outside this dorm hallway". These "moviemakers" hardly created anything. It is literally just a camcorder pointed at annoying fucks goofing around just to waste time cause they had nothing else better to do. Picture pre-schoolers playing "make believe," only instead of pre-schoolers it's a bunch of people you want to shoot in the face. You'll especially want to shoot the face of the guy that rubs some brown stuff on a fake looking fake penis (yes, a "fake of a fake", these people are so fucking cheap that they can't even afford a real fake penis). Was this suppose to be "sick" because a guy was jerking off by lubricating his dick with shit? The only sickness I felt was a homicidal sickness, the cure being endless rows of machine guns blasting at everyone involved in this atrocity like there's no tomorrow. I keep honestly wondering whether these people were even trying to make a movie. Anyone stupid enough to waste time while holding a camcorder in a dorm hallway can create this garbage. Not a shred of skill or vision used in any cringe-inducing second. A blind guy with down syndrome could do a better job on the cinematography. I can't believe this movie was even released, something this awful should be illegal along with child pornography and crack. This is really someone's embarassing home videos that somehow got picked up by the equally retarded Brentwood company for yet another low quality worthless DVD 4-pack. More proof there's no God, join me and be an atheist.

Chinese Torture Chamber Story (1994)

This movie does weird, totally original things with sex. There's a scene with high flying martial artists fucking. They fuck like mad in mid-air and do tons of hyper-humping, it's like how Goku from Dragonball Z would nail a chick with a crotch strong enough to withstand massive repeated thrusting! There were even some "Street Fighter-like" special moves in the fucking like the spinning on the cock while the cock was in the chick or the super ejaculation blast that drenches the place with semen. This insane sex scene wasn't what the movie revolved around though, it was something just inserted into the movie somehow. The main story is about a girl and her love interest getting framed for murdering the girl's husband (who has a HUGE dick that could kill anything he fucks). This husband is killed by getting an aphrodisiac overdose which makes his penis explode and spray a shitstorm of blood. The story is actually interesting and there's more details to the messed-up love story and corruption that you just need to see for yourself. Anyways, as the title suggests, there's torture here because apparently court rooms back in the ancient times this film was set would employ barbaric methods to get someone to confess to a crime or to just simply execute them. Getting fingernails torn off, kneeling on broken plates, boob squishing, getting fucked by a wooden donkey, castration, and fingers being squeezed by an ingenious invention are some of the torture and execution methods we get a glimpse of. The movie is more of a sleazfests than gorefest though with strong sexual humor, an invisible rape that goes hilariously wrong, numerous boobs, and even a lesbian scene. Overall, a classic essential CAT III delivering the sleaze and violence. The insane high flying fuck is worth owning this movie alone!

Cannibal Apocalypse (1980)

If you're looking for non-stop cannibalism gore munching, I don't think this will satisfy your appetite. There were only a few actual eating human parts and as for gore in general, it's pretty gory, the two stand outs were a ridiculously huge shotgun blast right through a guy (yep, you see a bloody hole in him in all its gory detail) and the other being a limb of a guy at a gas station getting sawed up into lots of meaty red pieces. Besides violence, there is some sex for you tit fans. This one next door neighbor chick gets down right slutty. Overall, the fantastic story about a disease from Vietnam compelling people to bite others, which infects others and results in an epidemic in the city, is cheese galore for guys that know how to appreciate b-movie madness. It has the mechanics of a zombie invasion movie so should appeal to zombie fans. The acting is good too (John Saxon and the guy who's head gets drilled in Gates of Hell are here..that guy also got his weiner chopped off in Cannibal Ferox). Anyways, I’ve seen so many people trash Cannibal Apocalypse, don't let all the negative reviews get to you if you're a b-movie fan and haven’t seen this yet. The bitching is usually by someone expecting every movie to be as gory as Dead Alive or as realistic in gore as a surgery on the Learning Channel. Those idiots don’t have the patience and attention span to sit down and watch a zany movie idea from start to finish, no wonder all these worthless pseudo-snuff movies like August Underground are being made, those just appeal to some br00tal imbecile too stupid to follow an actual crazy storyline that has creativity. A cheeze, gore, and sleaze essential!

The Alien Factor (1978)

Alien Factor has this amazing story about aliens crashing on earth, terrorizing people, getting people to act stupid about handling the problem, and the ending is a huge unexpected twist that got me giggling for days. There were awesome primitive lazer beam effects and a silly yet amusing explanation for many of the bizarre happenings. The best part about the movie was this freakishly tall alien walking on carpet covered stilts. It looked like he was going to tip over any second too. He also had this weird thing with swinging his right hand in a rhythm. Watch as people run in fear from this thing they probably had to help up from falling after filming the scene. And if you like claymation, there's one alien you'll be delighted to see in action. There's an epic battle between an unconvincing claymation alien creature that's so awesome for being so lame with the early camera tricks. The Alien Factor DVD doubles with another Don Dohler movie titled "Fiend", which I guess I could spare a few words about. Not as good as Alien Feactor but was pretty cool too, simple story about this neighborhood jerk that chokes people to death in order to gain energy to live longer. Nobody suspects him though (even if his murders are done in broad daylight). The one man to stop him is his next door neighbor that hates his loud music. Plenty of trademark Don Dohler cheesy lazer/light effects. Don Dohler is a genius filmmaker, Nightbeast is still my favorite of his cause of the all out video game lazers that "decimate" people and also cause of the gore. Anyways, get familiar with Dohler's work, he has his own style (which I can't say about all the replaceable hacks these days) and most of his movies have the same lovable dork actors that use the same names from their previous movies even! Alien Factor is mucho CHEEZE SUPREME!

Attack of the Beast Creatures (1985)

HAHAHAHAH!!! Oh my GOD! If you want CHEEZE, you got it! This is the ultimate cheeze movie for me. There really isn't much to the story. In the 1920's, some people get stranded on an island and want to escape because it's inhabited by a shitload of mysterious creatures that are really customized demonic barbie dolls from the looks of it. These creatures ask no questions and go straight to attacking, it's never explained why they're so pissed off and bloodthristy. Acid water puddles are another danger that lurks around the island too (one guy melts until he's a skeleton!). Between monster attacks, there are scenes where the characters get to know each other and one old man is a cranky asshole that pisses people off. The great thing is that the actors are genuinley trying to put on a performance of a lifetime with what little there is to work with. We see people screaming in utter agony at the top of their lungs as they have fake blood splattered on them and have to rub these demonic doll things up against their bodies to make the lifeless figures look alive and kicking. One woman getting attacked looked like she was crying while breast feeding the little fella! Seeing those "beast creatures" run and swing their arms is too much damn greatness in a movie alone. I don't know how these actors managed to not burst into laughter as they had to act attacked. I'm glad they remained professional instead of trying to act so conscious of how silly everything is. An ambitious 80's b-movies with no shame of how low the budget is.

Thanks to yours truly, you can witness ATTACKS of the BEAST CREATURES over here!

The Candy Snatchers (1973)

A very solid and original "film noir" story with a gritty exploitation look and feel that could have only been done in the 70's. The movie starts off with three criminals kidnapping Candy, the daughter of a jewelry store manager. It was going to be simple, threaten to kill the girl if jewelry isn't delivered. Everything in the ransom seemed to go perfectly according to plan until something the kidnappers didn't see coming became a reality. This reality is funny in a dark ironic twist-of-fate kinda way that is contrary to the stereotypical "heroic father" figure. Turns out the father in "Candy Snatchers" has some immoral ulterior motives of his own and threats to kill his daughter just leave a big smile on his face. A mute innocent little boy (with a cranky bitch mother) happens to live right by the hill that the criminals are staying and hiding Candy at. What the kid ends up doing is drastic and creates the most bleak, ironic, memorable ending in a movie ever...yep, EVER! I haven't seen such a fucked-up ending since classics like "Stroszeck" and "Combat Shock". This has become a personal fav film of mines. It's a very cynical tale, a scathing satire on dreams, greed, and life in a dog eat dog society. A lot of people hate this film because it's not pure exploitation. Sure it has two rape scenes, a tied up blonde school girl, and an ear getting sliced off a corpse, but it doesn't exploit these elements enough to be mindless shock entertainment. There's a pretty good amount of violence and sleaze though so it is more raw than other pussy-whipped crime dramas. The DVD of Candy Snatchers looks great and comes with an old school poster. If you're a big fan of this site, YOU NEED THIS MOVIE!

Abby (1970)

A black exorcist with 70’s sleaze and sex. Some funny looking demon possesses some woman and later makes her become an evil whore that wants to get fucked and treats her friends and family like shit, which is the opposite of who she is. Best scene is a mighty hard kick right square on her poor husband’s balls. You can feel the guy’s pain as the foot and testicles make contact. And the voice is fucking insane on the possessed chick. Actually a lot of this movie is insane. Love the goofy special effects and the way Abby goes from innocent to fucked-up is priceless. This is like my favorite blaxploitation film, they even got Blacula to be the Exorcist. It’s a damn shame the stupid corporate suits at Warner Brothers sabotaged the distribution and release of this movie cause they wanted to monopolize the “exorcism” genre and crushed all other movies about possession. Now I have to settle for a cheap bad quality DVD release while stupid shit like Darkness Falls gets better treatment. Poor Abby.

Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom (1972)

A small handful of mildly bloody fight scenes and a decent amount of tits. Even one lesbian scene with nipples rubbing against each other. There were some torture scenes like depriving a girl the use of a bathroom after forcing her to drink water and also a bulb going up a vagina, but nothing graphics. What little violence and the boobs is all I really enjoyed from the movie and sadly it didn't make up a large percentage of this film, which is apparently about a strict-school where corrupt teachers tortured one student and the student's friends want to get revenege, leading to a series of blackmail and endless political mumbo jumbo that made me lose interest in the plot. It's a decent Pinky Violence film, has the right amount of sex, but ultra-light on violence and too heavy on boring political chit-chat, far from perfect. "Sex and Fury" is an essential pinky violence film, this one really isn't.

Axe (1977)

AXE has that trademark 70's exploitation look and feel. Like I Spit on Your Grave, Fight For Your Life, and Last House on the Left, it involves someone that seems so harmless slowly exposing their darker side when confronted by evil. It all starts out when three criminals that are involved in a murder and did inhuman things to a poor grocery store woman worker hideout at a farmhouse where a girl and her paralyzed grandfather live. The two seem so weak and easy to abuse which is why the criminals plan to crash at their house and abuse their meekness. Two of the criminals even tried to rape the chick (the third criminal didn't want any part of this abuse though, he was a sensitive pussy type with a fro like that famous painter guy). Eventually the girl has to take out her revenege using sharp objects that lead to some bloodshed (the blood looking like primitive HG Lewis film blood). This movie actually reminds me of Roman Polanski's Repulsion because the girl seems to be a silent ticking-time bomb of craziness as well. Both the girls in Repulsion and Axe would hardly talk and had that cold yet innocent look in their face too. The killing of a rapist was even done in a similiar fashion with the same weapon. So in a way, you could say this is the even more minimalistic and cheaper, 70's sleaze/revenge exploitation version of Repulsion. Not a gorefest or anything, just a good simple tale of abuse and revenge.

Schramm (1993)

A very unique film that takes an artistic experimental/weird approach at illustrating the fucked-up and depraved world of a serial killer. High brow, fancy cinematic techniques are employed to showcase something so low brow like extreme (and I mean EXTREME) gore and cold blooded murder. The scene where the guy nails his penis foreskin looked pretty damn painful. And there is a gross-out severed leg here in gory detail. Very shocking imagery as you can tell. Storywise the movie is simple (dying perveted serial killer that has weird hallucinations like a vagina with teeth and dentists that rip his eyeball out) but the movie tells the story unconventionally through abstract flashbacks as he is dead in a pool of paint and his own blood, which may confuse a viewer expecting a linear story. The movie doesn't even use that much dialogue. Through silence, natural sounds, and an ambient soundtrack, you get the raw and depressing mood the director was going for. Sleaze, Gore, Weirdness, and High-Art make this a personal fav of mines. The Barrel DVD has been recently easier to find now so get it before it's out of print again. From the German director of the infamous Nekromantik by the way.

Don't Go In the Woods Alone (1982)

Not the gorefest I was expecting to see after all these years. "Gore" is more than just some fake blood, it has to involve chunks of flesh, organs, and guts. This movie only had the fake blood and the kills weren't as inventive, just standard stabs...and there still wasn't enough of that in this movie that felt like an eternity. Pretty average slasher in my book. Some cool blood splashing moments but the abundance of needless suspense padding the movie to oblivion, stretching the movie's length more than it needed to be, really killed the whole thing for me. There really isn't a story or anything to focus on, just random people sometimes getting killed or chased by a guy that looks like a freak from The Hills Have Eyes. The inept filmmaking is mildly funny at times in a Night of the Demon (the one with Bigfoot) way, but you can tell some scenes were intentionally funny, which ruins its so-bad-it's-funny classification for me. Maybe I need to watch this again when I have a better day, but I'm dissapointed it wasn't as fun and gory as I thought it would be. The music is what I couldn't stand the most. It was abused in almost every scene and was used as false alarm suspense most of the time, like the boy that cried wolf, only more monotonous sounding. A movie that builds this much suspense needs to deliver something to be suspensful about or else I just feel let down when the false alarms are so constant.

Skinned Alive (1989)

Sure the box art is pretty damn gay, but it's a neat Ed Gein-esque story with a massive helping of the red juice! A family comprised of a crabby hag with an eye patch, her asshole son and asshole daughter go around traveling in their van and killing people to get skin for making high quality apparel. Sounds like something from Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Motel Hell eh? One day their car breaks down in some small town and they reside in an unsuspecting Good Samaritan’s house along with his wife. As they live there the sadistic family goes on running their “business” at this home, which consists of skinning people alive. Skin carving is actually shown without any cuts. Watch the flesh get sliced as a blade runs through it. Funny thing though is this skin cutting looks like a bleeding flesh-colored football getting cut like a birthday cake (even the filmmakers mention the birthday cake thing). Skin does get ripped off too, exposing comical blood covered bones. It’s an awesome cheesefest, only the morbid crybabies that want serious “sick gore” will be disappointed. The only truly sick thing in the movie in my opinion was the sister stripping for the brother. That strip scene was kinda cool though, she cut off her clothes with a knife!..but still it was for her brother ewww. The gorier stuff happens when the hero of the movie (an alcoholic loser ex-cop with a wretched bitch ex-wife) gets his trusty machine gun to kill this sick family. Ridiculous machine gun blasting and a blade on the machine gun becomes blood and guts galore. That’s pretty much it. Watch out for a whole body that’s skinless.

Bread and Circus (2003)

This movie plays out a lot like Bad Taste. It takes place mostly in grassy fields where people are running around killing each other until someone is left bloody and butchered. The gore, like Bad Taste, is exaggerated, gross, over-the-top, and comical so it truly does earn the title as the "Norwegian Bad Taste". One guy gets sliced in half with a sword and his guts spill out so this one guy can find his keys that were eaten. There are other sliced humans where you can see all their red gooey insides. Heads are left wide open so blood and mushy gore can gush. This other dude drop kicks some guy onto a tree branch so he can get impaled and his cartoon-ish heart pops out. Another guy gets kicked in the ass while taking a shit. When his ass bleeds, he sticks a beer bottle up his ass (you see it get painfully shoved up) to stop the bleeding. Suddenly he gets thirsty again and shits the bottle out to drink. Hell there’s even an alien in this movie and it involved a space-ship that cums into mother (literally “mother”) earth’s vagina (a vagina that people pop out of in the movie), it adds to the surreal weridness of it all. But unlike Bad Taste, Bread and Circus tackles deeps concepts such as identity and freedom. Apparently life moves like an assembly line in the movie. Mother earth plops you out and then you’re just left to fill some cookie-cutter standard of living where you walk across a path with arrows, have a brief case handcuffed to you, work for people richer than you, and then roll over dead one day in a world that was run by a corrupt king that employs a gun crazy force to keep you in track. People who are deemed undesirable for society are left in the woods where cannibalism takes place. One guy who lived this boring life wrote some radical, ten commandment-like shit, on some stone tablets. Years later a couple reads these words of wisdom and are inspired to start a violent revolution to break free from the king's power and society's limiting norms. They find a fuckload of weapons and start killing tons of people in the "system" including the unjust king and even one guy that looks like Eminem! The kill spree goes on for a long time until the end.

This movie could be enjoyed on two levels: as a mindless splatterfest or a mindful splatterfest. Depends if you can pick up the subtle metaphors and make sense of the scenes that seem like random weirdness to casual viewers. An impressive film for such a low budget with a small cast. Plus it was made in 2003, good to see a really werid and creative gross-out gore film come from that awful year.

Biozombie (1998)

The movie starts out as a comedy about two guys that work in a VCD store at the mall up to hilarious antics then slowly it transforms into a really tense horror movie where everyone struggles to survive until the grim ending. There still is some intentional comic relief within the horror part of the movie, like people quarreling over the flavor of cup of noodles even when danger lurks. Stylized gore scenes were fun too, real smooth cartoonish actions that connect together and fall like dominos, like someting Sam Raimi or Peter Jackson would have executed. The blood and limbs fly and spill in a festive manner, not in a nasty disturbing way. It's a fairly modern movie (1998), but the zombies don't suck. These are slow creeping zombies splattered in generous amounts of blood and have fucked up faces. Sure the movie is set in a mall, but it's definitley not like Dawn of the Dead. Plus, unlike Romero's film, we get an explanation and see how the zombie infection started (apparently Iraqi bio-chemicals that looked like soda was accidentally given to a guy that was hit by a car). All the characters develop and show their true colors, even one zombie with a heart of gold. It's solidly written movie that manages to shift moods and atmosphere as intended without being sloppy. Don't expect extreme gore (like guts and organs) though since this is only a CAT II.

Wolf-Devil Woman (1982)

Bizzare movie mongers, take note of Wolf-Devil Woman because this is one hell of a movie! A village is ruled by a guy called the Devil (a guy with a golden KKK outfit) who has the power to freeze people's blood. Apparently he wants everyone to submit to him or else they die. Some chick that shoots colored smoke, a bunch of ninjas that can teleport, and voodoo doll controlled zombies are his army. One couple tries to escape his empire in the snow with their baby but can't go on any longer so they cut themselves to keep the baby warm with their blood. Things get weirder when they start head-butting the snow so an avalanche can bury the kid and keep her safe. Over time the baby is raised by wolves and the wolves feed her rare ginseng that, when eaten, can keep people immune to the Devil's blood freezing power. Two guys discover her when they tried to find that ginseng too and later they teach her how to speak, which is IMPOSSIBLE to do with feral children in real life, I know this from being a psych student. It's also impossible for a chick raised in the wilderness to have make-up and look like Asia Carrera at her hottest (seriously this wolf chick is hot, no nudity though). From then on it's Wolf Woman doing stuff stupid according to civilization (like getting drunk) and then later she has to get revenge on the Devil and end his empire, resulting in major asskicking.

There's a lot of energy jam packed in the whole mix where sudden bursts of actions impact your senses hard. In the first couple minutes of the movie alone you already see some kinda strange crucifixion with odd lights and sounds at a thunder striking pace. All the super-hyper cuts when crazy shit happens made me feel woozy, like I was tripping on acid and got my face slammed while doing my imitation of how a tornado moves. There's a fun 70's oriental orchestra score too and a lot of sound effects and scenes that look like something from that show, the Six Million Dollar Man. The martial arts battles are violent, with bleeding scratches, blood sprays, and the occassional ripped limbs or decapitation. Overall, insane goofy cutting, cool fights, cheezy characters, fun soundtrack, laughable f/x (cartoon flames?!), and a ridiculous non-sensical b-movie story makes this a true winner with weird cinema freaks like me. I think there's a hard to find VCD, but I got a bootleg from weirdworldcinema.com instead.

Run and Kill (1993)

A mild-mannered fat man's life goes to hell when one day he finds his wife with another man and ends up in a bar getting stupidly drunk where he did something he'll regret, he accidentally hired a hitman to kill his wife. Not only is he depressed about his wife's death the next day, he also can't pay the hitman what he owes so they start messing with him, his business, and his little daughter for not paying his debt....things still get more fucked-up after trying to solve the debt problem though. Lets just say it gets him into a mess with a psychotic killing-machine that sheds not a single ounce of mercy for the elderly or children (he does something to a kid that is ridiculously sadistic and would offend a whole lot of people). It's a really clever over-the-top violent thriller. There's a good amount of machine guns blasting, explosions, hard-hitting fights that make you really feel the pain, and blood spilling (especially in one nasty scene where a guy gets bled to death). When the mild-mannered fatty finally tries to seek revenge in his own hands, he literally does "RUN and KILL!" and is more pissed than ever. A classic CAT III, it delivers the sadism, mean-spirit, and violence that the "genre" is notorious for.

Eternal Evil of Asia (1995)

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Boarding House aka Housegeist (1981)

Everything about it is awfully shitty. And there in lies its beauty. This was one of the early Shot-on-Video horror movies and it’s amazing in its amateurish nonsensical failures. The winning elements are a random pie fight, a wealth of tits and ass, tacky schlock gore with some guts, primitive computer text with a laughable sound as each sentence is typed, weird telepathic meditations, and a spectacular ending that just drips with cheese every second cause it involves that telepathy thing to fight a ghost with nice tits. Story involves a haunted house now inhabited by some ultra-sleazeball that does weird meditations and only wants a couple top-notch chicks as roommates in the house. Some stupid stuff happens throughout the movie (a rape flashback where everyone still had their clothes on) then all of a sudden later in the video they’re ready to have a party (which will take part in the end where all hell breaks loose of course).

Monsturd (2003)

I was expecting stupid fun but all I got was stupid. There isn't anything funny at all. It was so bad it simply sucked. You'd think with a name like "Monsturd" there'd be some hilarious disgusting scenes, like the vomit scene in Bad Taste. All the shit jokes were so obvious though. Any idiot could come up with this bland ultra-tame/G-rated dialogue. They also have awful music being abused in every scene. Give it a rest, geesh. There aren't any violent/gore parts either. When the lame monster attacks, they just show people screaming and water splashing with some tootsie roll stains apparently. The monster only gets shown a couple times. The worst part of the movie is that it takes elements of the thriller genre (which it tries to spoof as well as horror) too seriously. There were details they just spent too much time on explaining. I wanted to watch a movie, not follow something pointless. I can't believe I sat through this mess. The ending felt like they just ran out of ideas so they ended everything in a snap with bullshit CGI. What a shitty movie (very appropriate description for the title eh?). The only redeeming quality about this movie is I'll have something to throw at people in case everything else I own disappears and I have the need for a projectile. I’d probably only need a projectile just to break another copy of Monsturd though. Ugh, just take a look at the year this was made, I should have known better.

Deathdream (1974)

A solider that died in war returns to his small town home after his family was told he was dead. His arrival was a joyous moment until he acts like a silent antisocial asshole and kills some people and a dog. The movie isn't cheesy or trashy and has a very serious unsettling tone, utilizing the archetype horrors of a zombie/serial killer to illustrate the real horrors of war's affect on society beyond the battlefield. It's a depressing tale with some genuinley creepy make-up and mysterious atmosphere. The social commentary was subtle, using metaphors to get the message out in clever ways (ex: the blood addiction parallels the drug addiction in NAM). Tom Savini's first movie but not that much gore, only a few blood splatter and a gruesome neck wound. You mindless gorehounds would be dissapointed. The DVD from Blue Undergorund is a must own and has interesting extras. This is like my fav Bob Clark film. A lot of people don't realize this movie was from the same guy that brought us "Porky's" and "A Christmas Story" (the one where Ralphie shoots his eye out).

Nightmare in a Damaged Brain (1981)

It’s a standard psycho slasher movie but what sets it apart from most others is the over-the-top brutality. One unfortunate babysitter gets her back hammered in, leaving deep holes within her flesh that spit blood. Then there’s the infamous end where the weird fuck flashbacks to some perverted kinky shit he witnessed and is the origin for his insanity. The bowtie wearing little boy (the psycho as a kid) does some major damage with an axe, chopping limbs off and leaving gushing blood fountains in his sex-crazed father and some whore. There’s not that many kills throughout the whole movie but the few kills present give new meaning to the word bloodbath. As for the story, it’s nothing amazing really. It’s just about a guy from a mental hospital whose medication doesn’t work and is trying to find his kids and wife who has a boyfriend now. And as he is hunting them down, he kills a few random people on the way and has nightmarish flashbacks of scenes from that one axe massacre he delivered to his own dad. A bit too many slow mushy family-drama scenes that have nothing to do with the psycho (they all have to do with the wife, her boyfriend, and the kids) but the killer that freaks out about sleazy sexual stuff and kills shit until it’s a bloody mess makes this a worthy viewing for gorehounds and b-movie fans. Tom Savini is credited for working on some of the awesome splatter effects but has denied ever having to do anything with the movie. Even though pictures of him on the set have surfaced, it’s said that he was just the consultant while Ed French did the actual stuff. But on the imdb.com board some guy said he emailed Mr. French and he said he didn’t do the effects and didn’t want to name the people either. That’s a shame nobody is taking credit for this splatterfest. Make sure you get it uncut if you ever buy it, fuck the edited version! Fuck the edited version of anything anyways. I got my copy from Slasher Index. Not a "real" release but the quality and package looks good and you know it's made by a fellow fan that wouldn't give you a crappy cut version.

The infamous patricide scene here!

Darkness (1993)

This entire movie was an excuse to show off gore and it actually works without feeling boring in its pointlessness and weakass story that has cringe-inducing lousy actors. I don’t even remember much of a story. There was hardly ever any dialogue and you see people either running away from or killing vampires. Sure it’s a vampire movie but has a zombie atmosphere the way that there’s a massive invasion. The gore is astronomical, liberal amount of blood drenching and gooey flesh! I love how the vampires violently slurp up a whole mess of blood from people, unlike in most movies where one pussy bite is given. I also like how the vampires not only melt in the sun they EXPLODE! Near the end is probably one of the goriest scenes in movie history. A shitload of vampires start having bubbling skin with their flesh oozing off and then they just blow up into bloody gore chunks.

Headless Eyes (1971)

What if Driller Killer was directed, written, produced, and even edited by Ed Wood? You’d get a comical disaster like Headless Eyes! This is an art-house film gone wrong on every level. You got horrible goofy cuts and sound, cheesy 70’s music, actors surprisingly keeping a straight face when any other human would explode in laughter, and a wacky b-movie premise that takes itself too seriously as if it was meant to be a legit drama. What happens is a down-on-his-luck artist gets his eyeball poked out by a spoon when he broke into some chick’s house to steal money for rent. When his eye gets ripped out, the same sound clip of the guy crying “ah! My eye!” is looped as he squirms on the ground in pain looking like an idiot while bystanders look on like idiots too. Since then, our protagonist has been an antisocial asshole-type starving artist, obsessed with eyeball-themed art, which requires him to stalk and kill random people and take you know what. Of course the story isn’t complete without the cop determined to find out who the killer is behind these ghastly murders and one dumb girl that befriends this bohemian serial killer. There’s a scene where some ugly old crazy lady just sits and laughs menacingly as she repeatedly says, “I know who did it, I know who did it”. She never does specify who she knew did what though but this still freaks out our psycho artist of course and we see him flee the scene with an oddball 70’s soundtrack. Overall, this movie is worth getting on VHS (no DVD yet) if you know how to appreciate the absurd brilliance in cheese flicks. Not really that gory though and the picture of “eyeless heads” on the box’s back is nowhere in the movie. There are a couple removed eyeballs covered in blood, they look so tacky and plastic, that’s about it for the gore.

If you want it, Screamtorium DVD probably has some good looking DVD copies left.

Blood Beat (1985)

Well after all these years, I finally got a copy of Bloodbeat in my hands..and it's probably the cheeziest thing I've ever owned! It really had a Don Dohler (Nightbeast, Alien Factor) feel with the bad 80's lazer effects all over the place and 80's b-movie sound effects (they sound like Atari). The samurai ghost slasher was surrounded by blue light rays and people would shoot telepahtic lazer beams or whatever at it. You have to see this to believe it. The "telepathic lazer" battle reminds of Boarding House but the way the people move and the look on their faces is even more insane! It looked like they were pissed off while having a siezure, hah, is that even possible? Gore level is dissapointing but the Samurai breathing like Darth Vader and talking like a lamb makes up for it. The best part of the movie is when everything in a kitchen starts shaking then flies at this one guy, he gets attacked by a packet of Ramen noodles hahaha. A super awesome cheesefest. What makes it even better is you can tell this was a serious effort to make a creepy supernatural flick but the retarded everything overpowers any legitimacy! Good luck tyring to find a VHS copy (the only real release it has and always will have cause no company will put this out haha), if you really wanna see it my buddy at Screamtorium DVD makes cool DVD-R copies of it, check with him.

Killer Workout aka Aerobicide (1986)

A hybrid of lame 80’s aerobics and a lame 80’s slasher with some lame fight between two meatheads and lame music (where the lyrics consist of counting haha) makes this totally awesome. Not much to the plot, typical slasher formula: People are dying at a fitness club, who could it be and why? You got the standard hothead cop on the case and a few dorks that could be suspects. The ending is actually clever, makes you think about the justice system and even makes you wonder who really was the murderer, but the cheesy as fuck burn victim make-up strips away any legitimacy this movie could have merited. Oh and one of the aerobic instructors is really hot, in one scene you get to see her boobs. A must see for cheese fans that know how to appreciate ridiculous concepts with an even more ridiculous execution (haha, the fistfight in the parking lot between the two meatheads still keeps me cracking, I like how some chick all of a sudden wants to bang the winner right after)

Revenge of the Radioactive News Reporter (1990)

As soon as you see the box it looks like a Toxic Avenger rip-off. Well the make-up kinda screams that but overall this wasn’t as goopy and bloody as a Troma film. A very sappy love story with a few b-movie elements, reminds me of Darkman on a lower budget and cheese-stenched actors. Basically some reporter who knows too much about a greedy corporation’s toxic pollution is thrown into a pool of green water where the corporation thought he died. Little did they know he became a mutated freak! Now his mission is to stop the corporation from killing his girlfriend who too knows “too much”, re-connect with his girlfriend that thinks he’s dead, and last but not least, he needs uhh..revenge!…you see where this is going. Both intentional and unintentional humor (the satire on corporations was clever) and one detached head are a few highlights. It’s all right, I wouldn’t bother hunting it down though. No boring parts, mildly fun, kill a Saturday afternoon with it.

Rejuvenator (1988)

Healthy dose of gore, a cheesy all girl 80's band, and a neat story make this a worthy viewing. There are some great brain eating scenes, freaky mutations, and creature barf that oughta please fans of weird slimy f/x. The story is just about how some washed up old actress is funding a scientist's research on an anti-aging drug. When she gets impatient and uses the medication in its dangerous experimental phase, everything seems fine...at first. Her dreams have come true but later dreams become nightmare and all hell breaks loose! When she transforms to a creature, eating human brains is the only way to morph back to normal. It plays out like a Jekyl and Hyde movie. No DVD release yet and the bootlegs are more expensive than getting an original VHS, just get a tape for a couple bucks if you want it.

Rocktober Blood (1984)

Heavy metal themed horror movies don’t get any better than this. The soundtrack is the main highlight in the movie. It’s beyond EPIC! The singer decapitates a chick, rips the heart out of a chick, and rips some guts too as he sings “Killer on the Loose” live on stage in front of a dimwitted audience. “I’m Back,” and “Rainbow Eyes” are other killer songs performed on stage as unintentional hilarity ensues. I got to admit (as do other Rocktober Blood fans) that the movie does have some dreadfully slow parts in the middle. It consists of stretched out suspense. Normally that would shit a movie over for me but Rocktober Blood totally redeems itself and more with the awesome beginning and awesome ending. I can overlook that crappy middle because of the opening kills and ending kills (with music!). The story is about some rockstar (Billy) going crazy one day in the studio and killing people that happened to be there. He was later sentenced to the electric chair. Couple years later, the chick of the band continues the band and starts the Rocktober Blood tour. Strange things start happening though. The chick starts being haunted by Billy (but I thought he was dead, oh no!). Is this Billy a ghost? Is he only in her head? Is he even Billy? Find out yourself by sitting through a horrible movie just for the shocking conclusion, badass music, and sweet nacho-cheesy kills! You must find out what Rainbow Eyes is or you’re not my friend...no wonder I don’t have that many friends

Zipperface (1992)

I was intrigued by the name Zipperface. It's like Leatherface, only with a zipper. It was also an S&M slasher! The killer looked like a total freak motherfucker. I thought to myself that this could be a sleazy cheesegore geek's wetdream right? It was as if it was too good to be true..and it was. I ended up getting a tame pussy-whipped soap opera that could have easily been a made for TV movie on the Lifetime channel! I'm not even saying that to be funny, that's EXACTLY what it is like. Why the fuck was this movie even categorized as a horror movie? And the red lingerie the hot little lady was wearing on the cover was nowhere to be found in the entire movie. The assholes behind this atrocity should be sued for false advertisment. She gets a nude scene but only to make "love" to some gay ass artfag photographer. The entire movie takes itself too seriously as a mystery solving cop drama with the addition of some cliche love story. The killings were as weak as a glass of water watered down. I still do keep my copy of this ultra-light reject Soap Opera pilot so I could add it to my museum of stupidity. So far the museum has Surf Ninjas and 3 Ninjas. Both family-oriented movies being more violent and sadistic than this!!!

They Don’t Cut the Grass Anymore (1985)

I've never seen anything like it. The CHEEZIEST gore ever! And lots of it! It was way over the top. I couldn't believe someone would actually use cloth painted purple and soaked in fake blood as skin to peel off a skull...hell, I couldn't believe anyone would film a scene where a guy peels off skin until a skull is bone-dry to begin with...this happens on more than one occasion too! The gore scenes, besides being so stupid, were also pretty long. You got a guy ripping a dead body's skin like it was wet tissue and there's a ridiculous amount of red gooey stuff splattering everywhere for a pretty long time. We see the guy squishing all this gore between his fingers as time passes. You'll find yourself giggling at how extremely gratuitous all the gushy gore is. It's like the stretched out primitive gore scenes in Wizard of Gore but much worse in f/x quality. As for the story, it's about two psychotic gardeners that realize they hate society and go around killing people in hilarious fashions. Somehow there's social commentary and profound statements about the commercial culture of yuppies (this is best illustrated in the scene where one of the gardeners hacks at a trendy magazine with an axe). The messages aren't preachy though and are delivered in a subtle campy fashion, the way it should be. A heaping shitload of chopped limbs, ripped entrails, TONS of crazy cheap looking gore, and cynical yet comical dialogue is what you get in this movie. There is one girl that is relentlessly butchered. The one guy just doesn’t stop after sawing off her leg, ripping her stomach open, squishing EVERY INCH of her insides from almost head to toe. Damn, the woman’s boob was even a victim to this massive onslaught.

Diary of a Serial Killer (1995)

Wow, this is like a CAT III version of the classic sick flick Maniac (1980) but as depressing and mean-spirited as another classic Henry:Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986). The story is told from prison as flashbacks and it's about a lonley guy with a boring wife and a daughter. He's not content with his life and has some fucked up mental problems that make him a sleazeball into kinky bizzare shit. This guy goes around looking for hookers so he can kill them because he believes he's creating a new life for them. Apparently he hates women being hookers and wants them to reincarnate into a better life. Wanting them to stop being hookers doesn't stop him from indulging in sick pleasures before "sending them off to their next life" though. He'll have rough S&M sex, kill and torture them in brutal fashions (like sticking dynamite up the joytrail or burning it with an iron), and then he'll even cut off their boobs/vagina/skin to put on a manequin (just like in Maniac) or save a piece of their hair for his diary (hence the title "Diary of a Serial Killer"). It's not a gorefest as the story allows it to be, (it's a sleazefest) but you do get some decent blood splashing and see severed boobs turned to leather. There are scenes of necrophilia and cannibalism/blood drinking too so you can say this guy is like a Chinese Ed Gein. Sometimes he'll go on disturbing psychotic rants and play with his victims, so fans of insane killers should take note of this film. Overall, I wouldn't say this is pure shock exploitation (although you can easily enjoy it on that level) because there are profound statements made and a lot of emotion going on in the complicated relationship between the main character and his wife's hot relative that moves in his house.

Blue Laser sells the VCD (only official release of it that I know of), worth checking out if you like dirty sleaze and want to see what goes on in an insane person's head.

Seventh Curse (1986)

From the director of Story of Ricky, here's an 80's horror action/adventure/comedy gem filled with tons of crazy violent fights, cartoonish gore, and the greatest cheezy monster/ghost battle EVER! The story starts out when some guy tries to save this chick in a jungle from a bizzare sacrifice to a rotten skeleton zombie God. Because he interrupted this ritual, he gets a blood curse which makes his body suddenly burst blood like everyday (cool ain't it?). From then on him with the help of a badass warrior guy try to find the cure before he bleeds to death. He manages to get into some crazy shit like fighting kung-fu monks on top of a gigantic buddha statue (it's HUGE and even ends up bleeding blood like a waterfall from its eyes when they pull its eyes outs).

Because this is from the genius behind Story of Ricky, expect the comical gore and strange creatures. At one point in the movie, a tiny ghost creature that looks like part mutated fetus and part sperm battles that one skeleton zombie God that transforms into a big slimy flying monster that looks like an alien from Alien but beefier, the tranformation is mindblowing, I can't even put it in words so I just uploaded it to youtube here. This is simply the best monster battle I've ever seen. They fight until the ridiculously gory end when one of them gets ripped up into pieces literally. Things still end up getting gorier when Chow Yun Fat is armed with a bazooka and uses it...more than once! Chow Yun Fat used to be in some of the best Asian movies ever..now he does mainstream US gayness.

Other things worth mentioning is a chick cutting her boob to feed a guy a piece of it, that ghost creature bursting out of a guy's stomach (over here!), kids being crushed between huge stones so their blood can be used for rituals, a brutal booby trap that rips a guy in half in mid-air, and this one fat guy who's flesh starts falling off and then he rips open his stomach which spills a bunch of worms. There was also a great evil yet fun atmosphere cinematography-wise and there was a lot of skilled fight scenes, better kung fu than in Story of Ricky, although I still prefer Ricky, which is the goriest offering from Ngau Kai Lam. Well this movie is still simply brilliant anyways. I don't know if my copy was uncut though, I have the Universe Lazer DVD which was a pain in the ass to get cause it's OOP, the box said 81 minutes but the movie only played 77 minutes and that was even counting the credits. I've seen other reviews mention this flick as a CAT III before but my DVD said CAT II. IMDB lists it as a CAT II as well. I thought it was pretty damn gory for a CAT II film but if there's a CAT III uncut version out there (which I doubt but I'll look into), then goddamn I need that shit pronto!